HATCHET
Directed by Adam Green
2006 – 84 Minutes/Widescreen
DVD Provided by Anchor Bay Entertainment
Article written by Mark Engle

There’s nothing like the expectations one has when a movie comes along where the promoters boast their product as being next best thing. It’s their job, and I’ve done it myself promoting this website and other ventures. It’s power for the course. Unfortunately, it can give high hopes that lead to disappointment. As a cult movie critic, I have to put that aside and write about the project itself. That’s too bad, because the supporters of HATCHET, along with the folks at Anchor Bay, have done a great job making us believe we’ve gone back to the “Old School Horror” that many of us old geezers miss so much. That’s not saying that HATCHET is a complete failure. It succeeds on at least one level. This horror movie delivers the gore in bucket loads sans the latest CGI effects. Pure latex FX splattering everywhere thanks to the true star, John Carl Buechler and his team of artists. It just makes you realize how much you can truly miss that magic.

Since sitting down to watch HATCHET, I’ve been saying, “Oh, what could have been!” Here’s a case where there’s spirit from the crew and director. There’s obviously a desire to return to the old days of horror, specifically the slasher film. And don’t get me wrong, this is what I would call a contemporary hit for Anchor Bay. But, it won’t hold up and is by no means a classic that AB will be able to keep releasing as anniversary editions down the road. It isn’t HALLOWEEN, DAWN OF THE DEAD, or EVIL DEAD, yet it could have been. There’s atmosphere, there’s a decent setup, excellent gore effects and moments of dread, but that’s all fleeting moments until we’re hit over the head with yet another punch line. Yup, the humor has more screen time than anything else and, unfortunately, it isn’t that funny. Instead, it is forced, clichéd and obvious. By the twenty-minute mark, I had this déjà vu feeling, and it wasn’t Old School, it was a cross somewhere between television humor from shows like PSYCH intermixed with crude humor ala AMERICAN PIE and many other modern teen comedies. Tell me if I’m wrong, but name a few of the best Old School slashers and tell me if they play like that? I can guarantee you won’t be able to do that (unless it’s a spoof like STUDENT BODIES).

Reading over the last two paragraphs, I must admit, I sound pretty harsh. Disappointment is probably a better way to describe it. Overall, I was rather entertained, even if I felt let down on several levels, but that just isn’t enough to make it the classic it could have been. Director Adam Green has a good visual eye and, with a low budget, had some great sets and decent thrill moments on screen. I’d love to see what he could do with a SERIOUS horror film. Every “Old School Horror” movie out there did something slightly different to make it stand out from the rest. HALLOWEEN scared the audience, FRIDAY THE 13th shocked us, and NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET gave many nightmares. The Italians used atmosphere and gore poetically, while the Spanish infused gothic tones. Whatever, I don’t see having a ton of comedy, a cast that looks like a television actors’ brigade trying to do HOSTEL/PORKY’S teen crude humor, and a by-the-numbers grocery list of how and when people are going to get knocked off as being scary. In fact, as I felt with HOSTEL, I’m more insulted.

Kane Hodder, now in his 50’s, does a great job as the monster/disfigured legend Victor Crowley. Under all the heavy make-up, he’s got to be in great shape, given all the running around and action stunts he manages to pull off on screen. Same can be said for our lead female Marybeth, played by Tamara Feldman, a woman in search of her missing father and brother who both became victims of Crowley in the opening scene. Joel Moore does an adequate job as Ben, an every day geek who doesn’t pander to the norm of his buddies who are looking to get laid. But we’ve seen him play the same role before and it isn’t anything new or a stretch. Mercedes McNab, best known for her years on television’s BUFFY and ANGEL doesn’t fare near as well playing an NC-17 rating of her dumb blond joke roll. For those of you who are her fans, yes, you get to see her boobs quite a bit. The rest of the tour group in the bayou hunted down by Crowley is just fodder for the kill. That also pretty much sums up the story. Several people on a boat tour get stuck in the back woods as disfigured Crowley hunts them down and chases them around. Tony (CANDYMAN) Todd and Robert (Freddy Krueger) Englund have about three minutes of screen time and are obviously cameos rather than top billing actors playing major roles (so don’t let that box fool you!).

That’s all I have to say about HATCHET. Anchor Bay delivers a great DVD with tons of extras. There are commentaries, a gag reel (gag! You’ll get it when you watch it), and several featurettes covering the special effects and history on how the movie came about, including an interesting story behind the director and Twisted Sister’s Dee Snyder. Overall, I can highly recommend it to Gorehounds who really don’t need much more than a threadbare story to get to the next kill. Others, like me, will be entertained once, maybe twice, but longevity will not be the film’s strong point. In this day and age of DVD, why would I keep pulling out this hit and miss movie when the collection on my shelf includes THE PROWLER, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, BAY OF BLOOD, FRIDAY THE 13th and many other Old School Slashers that got it right the first time? The gore is astounding and even surpasses many of the tales of old, but I personally need more to give HATCHET my full recommendation.