DENIZENS OF THE DEAD
Directed by I don’t know
008 – Running time? Too damned long!
DVD Provided by Das Zombie Productions
They don’t have a webpage. They have facebook so you can be their friend, but no official web page.
Article written by Douglas A. Waltz
Just by what you have already read you probably have a good idea which direction this review is headed. To be fair, we must state the facts. There’s this guy who likes to kill zombies. His preferred killing method is a sledgehammer. The guy has a lot of friends who also kill zombies and manage to exist in the world of the walking dead. Apparently, they have been doing this for a while.
Now this guy has a documentary crew following him around taping his exploits. Oh and there’s this weird preacher dude who seems to have powers over the walking dead. Did you notice that I haven’t mentioned anyone’s name in the review? Not their character name, not their acting name, not even a funny made up name like Stabbity McMilkTits. Why? Not worth it.
And this isn’t my opinion. It has to be the viewpoint of the people who made this horrible piece of excrement and expect us to watch it. I have never seen a concept like this so poorly executed in my entire time as a film reviewer. If your idea is to do a mockumentary of a guy who goes around killing zombies and hanging out with his buddies, he had better be the most interesting person alive!
The guy in the blue masked wrestler getup manages to exude more personality than our so-called hero of the piece. Unfortunately, we don’t get a lot of time with our wrestler friend. What we do get is huge lengths of film where Mr. Dull does a lot of talking. I know why they did it that way. Talk is cheap. Roger Corman, the king of long exposition scenes while people walk down hallways, will tell you that. Only, when he had people doing that AT LEAST IT WAS INTERESTING! Or at least funny. But no, we get none of that here.
What we get is a mockumentary that is too long, too dull and pointless. Where were these guys expecting to show this documentary? If civilization has crapped out under the relentless zombie crush, then I’m pretty sure that Sundance ain’t happening. And if Sundance ain’t happening, then none of those hundreds of little horror festivals have a snowball’s chance in hell of operating. We’re they doing it for posterity? Which of them thought it was a good idea to hook up with this Billy Mays clone, who certainly isn’t the brightest bulb in the zombie killer group?
And then there’s the ending. I refuse to give spoilers for movies, even pieces of dung like this, so without providing any details, I’ll just say the ending blows. It’s done without any regard for all that has happened during the movie and makes no sense whatsoever.
Did we really need another zombie mockumentary? Hell, we didn’t need the last forty or so that have come out. What chance did this still born piece of doody have? Oh, and to be clear, I love micro budgeted movies. I am a huge defender of micro budgeted movies. Good ones. If not identifying the director in the beginning of my review seems a little harsh, there was no way I was putting this thing back in my DVD player to find out who made it. It wasn’t worth the effort. I’m done.