THE SLIT-MOUTHED WOMAN
Japan/2005 – NR – 63 Minutes
D: Takuaki Hashiguchi
S: May Asada, Minami Aoyama, Lemon Hanazawa, Mikiya Sanada
DVD Provided by Sacrament/Salvation Films
Widescreen/Stereo
Extras: Still Gallery, Short Film, Trailers

The Asian Pink genre meets J-Horror. This time around, the original legend of The Slit-Mouthed Woman is changed into a tale of revenge for those that have sex in her hospital room. A reporter for a weekly magazine is sent to cover their horror section (she usually covers beauty and sex) only to find her own sister soon becomes victim to the legend when the Slit-Mouthed Woman kills her boyfriend while they were having sex. During the investigation, she discovers a terrible secret inside a cosmetic surgery hospital that has been shut down for three years after most of the patients and staff disappeared. Will she be able to help the evil be excised before her sister loses her mind or will she fall prey to lots of sex and possession herself? It’s a Pink film, so you can probably figure it out. At barely over an hour, the sex scenes are decent, the deaths are not being mostly off screen. It does manage some spookiness, but not enough to deliver the goods. Entertaining for fans of both genres, the rest of us don’t really need to watch when others are much better. Seek out Carved for a better version of the legend instead -Mark Engle

THE CASE OF THE FRIGHTENED LADY
Britain/1940 – N/R – 79 Minutes
D: George King
S: Marius Goring, Helen Haye, Penelope Dudley-Ward, Patrick Barr
DVD Provided by RetroFlicks
Fullscreen/Mono
Extras: Bonus Film BEFORE DAWN

Based on a story by Edgar Wallace, The Case of the Frightened Lady comes with all the usual trappings. Secret passage ways, sinister villains, blackmail and hidden agendas are prevalent throughout only they have nothing to do with the murders except raise the red herring quotient. The Lebanon family seemed doomed now that they are down to last remaining descendent, young Lord William, who can marry and have children while still keeping the Lebanon name alive. Only in this family, they believe in keeping their blood as pure as possible by marrying cousins (creepy today but more common with the elite back then). Unfortunately, since neither of them feels the same way about the union, mom keeps sticking her nose in while covering up the family secret. Once the murders start, it’s up to Ilsa (the cousin) and her new boyfriend along with Scotland Yard to figure out what’s going on. Like most poverty row productions, there’s too much going on too quickly to focus on the atmosphere to make it thrilling, but this one sticks out among many others by having an absolutely loopy ending! The print is decent with some serious scratches around the reel changes, but other than that, it definitely is worth watching on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Check it out if you are a fan of Edgar Wallace. Others may find it too convoluted to sit through. -Mark Engle

APARTMENT 1303
Japan/2007 – N/R – 94 Minutes
D: Ataru Oikawa
S: Eriko Hatsune, Yuka Itaya, Naoko Otani, Arata Furuta
DVD Provided by Tartan Video
Widescreen/Dolby Digital 5.1
Extras: Photo Gallery, Trailer, Other Tartan Trailers

Sayaka is the latest victim to fall to her death from room 1303. It seems that every single young girl that moves in plunges to their deaths. Her sister does not believe that her sister committing suicide is possible and with the help of a local detective, she manages to discover some terrible secrets behind the apartment. The original suicide was an abused daughter who killed her own mother and lived with the corpse for six months before diving off the balcony. Yes, it’s another J-Horror ghost story with the usual trappings and now tiresome clichés. At this point, I don’t think you can’t expect much more from the original author of The Grudge and the director who brought us Tomie. I have to admit, the production values are darn good and the finale really heads into the long black hair ghost thing so much to the extreme I couldn’t wait for it to go into Evil Dead mode, which it almost does but then fails miserably. Nothing else is new here, but fans of these who haven’t tired of the now almost 20-year old genre of Asian ghost cinema will appreciate it. All else will yawn and find nothing to raise the goose bumps on the back of the neck. That is too bad because Apartment 1303 isn’t terrible, in fact it is pretty good, just predictable and old news. -Mark Engle

THE STITCHER
2007 – N/R – 90 Minutes
D: Darla Enlow
S: Scott Gaffen, Carmen Garrison, Justin Boyd, Laurel Williamson, Heather Surdukan
DVD Provided by VCI Entertainment
Widescreen/Dolby 5.1
Extras: Photo Gallery, Commentary, Music Videos, Featurette, Digital Comic, Blooper Reel

A beautiful girl inherits a house just outside of a small hick town. All her beautiful friends join her for a celebration party only to be knocked off one by one by a huge mutant dude covered in buttons. Yes, you read that right. Seems when he was a child, his deranged mother sewed buttons onto his body when he was bad and now he continues the tradition by stealing the buttons off his victims. There’s tons of hick jokes, one dope smoker with a large green bong as comic relief and a very dumb blond all here to round out the humor that falls flat. The gore is there, but mostly aftermath shots of people covered in blood, so don’t expect much, but it works for the budget level. Speaking of which, the acting isn’t great but also better than your standard SOV fair and director Enlow does keep everything moving pretty fast. Unfortunately, none of it is played straight and the forced campiness gets in the way. Looks like they had a lot of fun making it, but none of that makes it a good movie, just another slasher that sort of falls flat. It has a decent twist towards the end, but not enough to save it. Next! -Mark Engle

CINEMA OF DEATH
2007 – NR – 82 Minutes
D: Various
S. Various
DVD Courtesy of Cult Epics
Fullscreen/Stereo
Extras: Director intros, collectible postcards

This one is a collection of underground cinema vignettes, with each one highlighting a different graphic theme. ADORATION (Belgium/1987) is a linear tale about a Japanese man who brings a pretty girl to his apartment. He films her reading poetry and then shoots her dead with a rifle. What happens next is downright creepy. DISLANDIA (USA/2005) is weird, very weird, and maybe should be called “Disjointed” instead. It rambles on revealing a little girl wearing a mask and doing a bunch of odd things in a manner that would be well suited for genre fans presently experimenting with LSD. The infamous Nico B also offers two entries here. The first one is PIG (USA, 1999), which tells the story of a killer wearing a pig mask while tormenting a male victim with different S&M acts. The second film is called HOLLYWOOD BABYLON (USA, 2000) and is co-directed by Kenneth Anger (Mr. Hollywood Babylon himself). I think this photographic tribute at the Museum of Death is the best of the works on this DVD. The last short is LE POEM (France, 1986). It involves an actual autopsy accompanied by the poem “The Drunken Boat (aka “Le bateau Ivre”). Here's the deal. These are cinematic exercises more than films. If you're into that kind of thing, then get the DVD. Personally, it's not my cup of tea. – Craig Hamann

PULP FICTION ART
2005 – NR – 57 Minutes
D: Jam Ald
Narrated by Jamie McDonald
DVD Courtesy of Kultur Films
Fullscreen/Stereo

Whatever happened to pulp fiction magazines? This informative film offers a decent rundown regarding the history of pulp fiction art, including its beginning, its high point, and the sudden death of the colorful and often hard-boiled graphic style. No doubt there are plenty of genre film watchers who are avid fans of the splashy covers that used to adorn pulp magazines at the newsstands. It's not as if one has to be an old-timer to admire the art either. Many of today's more exploitive DVD jackets borrow from the pulp work of yesteryear. In some ways the nostalgic tone of the this production makes this a sad movie. The viewer gets to see countless examples of pulp art, only to find out that many of the originals have been lost or destroyed. Anyway, I really believe all genre fans should give this DVD a look. It's a cool educational film that covers a subject that should be close to every genre film fan's heart. – Craig Hamann

TOY SOLDIERS
1984 – R – 85 Min.
D: David Fisher
S: Terri Garber, Jason Miller, Cleavon Little, Tim Robbins, Tracy Scoggins
Anchor Bay DVD – Now OOP
Anamorphic widescreen / Dolby Digital Mono
Extras: Theatrical Trailer

A group of rich college kids party their way down the coast of Central America on a yacht guided by the exceptionally gruff Sarge (Miller). After a practical joke leaves Sarge miles behind, one of the hopelessly intoxicated cracks his skull open on the boat and several (more sober) friends lead him ashore to find medical help. Terrorist death squad captures the youths with plans of ransoming them back to America (fully intending on killing them later regardless) and only Amy (Garber) manages to escape thanks to Sarge tracking her down. He is summarily dismissed from his duties anyway due to his perceived incompetence and soon Amy decides it’s her responsibility to go back and save her friends. She gathers her remaining boat-mates, enlists the help of the sympathetic butler, tempts Sarge and his pilot buddy into helping with money raised by selling Dad’s limo to Freddie the Fence and they are off to battle. Obscenely far-fetched premise is often hard to negotiate. Several amusing set pieces are entertaining to watch though the mix of straight-faced drama with rocket launcher fart-noises doesn’t always mesh successfully. Sometimes goofy, sometimes mean spirited, always bordering on the absurd, Toy Soldiers is enough of an 80’s oddity to get some enjoyment out of. The same attitude that can be found in movies such as Death Before Dishonor and Born American is well displayed here. Miller plays his part over the top. Little, as his long-time friend and fellow veteran, doesn’t have much to do in what amounts to a throwaway role. Violence, torture, and implied sexual abuse keep the bad guys sinister and Garber shows talent without a lot to work with. Toy Soldiers rates as average, if not entirely memorable, entertainment. Proceed with caution. – Michael Mackie

AMERICAN KICKBOXER 2
1993 – R – 91 Min.
D: Jeno Hodi
S: Dale ‘Apollo’ Cook, Evan Lurie, Kathy Shower, David Graf
Lions Gate Home Entertainment DVD
Fullscreen

Can you imagine a B-grade martial arts action movie that’s a mix of everything from 48 HRS to My Two Dads? Well, you don’t have to ‘cause here it is – kitchen sink and all. Lillian (Shower) lives the good life with ‘safe choice’ husband Howard (Graf) until her daughter Susie is kidnapped and a two-million-dollar ransom is demanded. She digs into her ‘bad choice’ past to beg help from both her ex-husband Mike (Cook) and her ex-lover David (Lurie). Mike is a pissed-off cop with a violent temper and David is a kickboxing playboy who ‘isn’t into violence’. Nobody knows for sure who actually fathered the child but everybody wants to get her back. David lands himself in jail but Mike needs help and reluctantly pulls a few strings to get the guy released. From this point on it’s non-stop martial arts mayhem. The true follow-up to American Kickboxer is a film called To The Death, but this hilariously muddled mess is an altogether different animal. Nearly every possible cliché is dragged out kicking and screaming during the running time. Cameramen are visible in long shots, dialogue is often out of sync, the generic soundtrack is grating, the acting is marginal at best, the ‘twists’ are predictable, it just goes on and on. The thing is, American Kickboxer 2 is such a disaster that you just can’t get enough. Fantastically entertaining for all the wrong reasons, AK2 should be considered required viewing for bad film fanatics. – Michael Mackie

MOVIN’ TOO FAST
2005 – R – 91 Min.
D: Eric Chambers
S: Marquita Terry, Layla Alexander
DVD Provided by MTI Home Video
Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital 2.0
Preview Disc – Edition details N/A

Two girls, strangers at the start, are traveling cross-country to California when one is almost raped by a cop. After narrowly escaping his clutches, they are stalked and tormented by an unseen psychopath in a high-powered police cruiser. The plot is as simple as that and will probably seem familiar to many viewers. However, the approach is fresh and the end result is a surreal thriller that’s equal parts road movie, slasher film, exploitation flick, and drive-in throwback. As the story progresses you’ll find yourself completely immersed in Chambers’ vision of terror in the desert. You get to know the characters through their actions just as they get to know each other. You are imperceptibly absorbed into their ordeal and though there are some instances of so-called ‘slasher film logic’, chances are you won’t care. Terry and Alexander bring across their fiery desire to survive at any cost with believability and skill; this translates into several intense confrontations and a number of powerful images. Chambers was an accomplished stuntman before moving into directing and uses his trained eye to deliver some impressive car action as well. As much as other recent releases have tried to capture that raw 70’s spirit and failed miserably, Movin’ Too Fast succeeds magnificently. Don’t let this one slip under your radar. – Michael Mackie

THE LEGEND OF THE HONEY ISLAND SWAMP MONSTER
2007 – NR – 66 Min.
D: Dana Holyfield
S: Many Louisiana locals.
DVD courtesy of Retroflicks
Fullscreen / Dolby Digital 2.0
Extras: An enhanced examination of Harlen E. Ford’s reel of film.

You might be wondering to yourself… “What in the name of Charles B. Pierce is the Honey Island Swamp Monster?” Fair question. This documentary sets out to provide an in-depth answer. Some 40 years back, Dana Holyfield’s grandfather (Harlen E. Ford) allegedly had a run-in with an unknown creature deep in the Louisiana swamplands. Since then, the legend has continued to grow and Miss Holyfield decided to make a movie about it. Mostly made up of interviews with people who claim to have encountered the being in one form or another, there are also a few man-in-hairy-suit clips thrown in to keep things lively. A couple of stand-out moments… Sounds of the whatever-it-is are caught during an evening exploration that results in the hurried evacuation of some freaked-out teens partying nearby. Plaster track-casts (found while filming) are provided to an excited crypto zoologist for examination. You’ll be treated to several such moments and that’s a good thing. The locals have interesting and varied takes on all of this, but the general consensus seems to be that everybody should just leave them/it alone. An unexpectedly entertaining project that culminates in the discovery (thanks to Holyfield’s grandmother) of the fascinating reel of film shot all those years ago that appears to capture the Swamp Monster walking through the brush. The Legend of the Honey Island Swamp Monster is exactly the kind of thing you’d excitedly rush off to catch at the drive-in back in the good old days. Fans of The Legend of Boggy Creek and its like should absolutely not hesitate. Available exclusively (for now) from www.retroflicks.com. – Michael Mackie

FULL ECLIPSE
1993 – R – 97 Min.
D: Anthony Hickox
S: Mario Van Peebles, Bruce Payne, Patsy Kensit, Paula Marshall, Jennifer Rubin
HBO Home Entertainment DVD
Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Surround
Extras: Cast and crew Bios.

Detective Max Dire (Peebles) is going through a difficult time in his life. Working on the streets is getting to him, his marriage is falling apart, and his partner is in a coma after being shot. Dire soon sees his partner inexplicably rejuvenated and acting like ‘one of the bionic X-men’. Then, the seemingly invincible partner commits suicide before his eyes. That’s when Adam Garou (Payne) steps in. Garou (Get it?) invites Dire to an encounter group of sorts. This is where our hero learns of ‘The Pack’. A group of werewolves dispensing vigilante justice, a group that wants Max to join. He does so, very reluctantly, but Garou hides even more secrets and Max begins to wonder about the eventual price to be paid for the gift he has been given. Hickox directs with style and the events unfold with an atmosphere that can only be described as sensual. All the performers bring depth and believability to their roles. There really is no area in which Full Eclipse comes up short aside from the possible exception of an early scene in which a stunt double is clearly identifiable. Impressively moody film features a soundtrack reminiscent of John Carpenter and the F/X, courtesy of Alterian Studios, are first-rate. Even the inclusion of some fleeting CG during the climax is managed well. Entertaining and interesting, which is especially impressive when you consider the fact that you’re watching a made for cable horror film from the early 90’s. Well done. The DVD case carries an R rating though the disc itself offers what was previously referred to as the unrated version. – Michael Mackie

THE DAY TIME ENDED
1979/80 – R (Re-rating) – 80 Min.
D: John ‘Bud’ Cardos
S: Jim Davis, Christopher Mitchum, Dorothy Malone, Marcy Lafferty, Natasha Ryan, Scott Kolden
Full Moon Entertainment DVD / Cult Video Collection
Fullscreen/Stereo 2.0
Extras: Trailers

A family moves into a solar powered desert home wishing to leave the problems of the city behind and start a new life. Unsuspecting protagonists encounter strange things nearly upon arrival; glowing lights, pyramids that make animals disappear and reappear, and antagonistic laser-armed probes are early obstacles. Extraterrestrial occurrences gain momentum as the night wears on. Everybody tries to stay safe inside while spaceships and monsters run rampant outside. Eventually, a swirling vortex begins to move them through time. Abstract plot seems an afterthought; special effects (courtesy of talents such as Jim Danforth, Dave Allen, Lyle Conway, and others) are definitely the focus. The acting is fine, especially the little girl (Ryan), but some character reactions (or utter lack thereof) are bewildering. When it’s all over nothing much has been explained or resolved to any degree of satisfaction. The 80 minutes go by quickly; it’s all very entertaining in a quirky and strictly nonsensical way. Viewer reaction tends to play out as follows… If you enjoyed it years ago you’ll probably still enjoy it. If you didn’t care for it then, it’s a safe bet you won’t feel any different revisiting it now. Unfamiliar viewers who are fond of Laserblast, Starship Invasions, and later Charles Band (the producer) efforts can feel safer in approaching The Day Time Ended than most. A touch of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, a hint of Lost in Space, and a couple of large stop motion creatures kicking the living crap out of each other in the front yard… your move. Notes: The newly applied R rating is perplexing (a theme with The Day Time Ended) since nothing has changed. With the exception of some profanity and a few suspenseful scenes this is relatively safe family fare. Lastly, the DVD reviewed is disappointing at best, unstable image, cropped from 2.35, and sound problems besides. It deserved better. – Michael Mackie

SOMETHING BENEATH
2006 – R – 90 Min.
D: David Winning
S: Kevin Sorbo, Natalie Brown, Peter MacNeill
DVD provided by RHI Entertainment
Preview disc – Edition details N/A

Fairly engrossing pro-environmental horror movie that details the events taking place at a newly opened hotel/conference center. During construction, a dark slime began surfacing. Black gold? Texas tea? No such luck. It’s a sentient entity that, when touched, causes vicious hallucinations externalizing the victims’ worst fears. This often results in their deaths. Father Douglas (Sorbo) and events manager Khali (Brown) are among the few that become aware of the problem and try to discover the reason for the attacks before anyone else dies. The visions themselves are often atmospheric and creepy; the rest of the movie has an air of light camp. Whether that was intentional or not is unclear. Fortunately, it all comes together nicely and makes for a satisfying 90 minutes of entertainment. The F/X work is solid and there’s eventually more to see than simple piles of crud. The resolution might cause some eyes to roll, but this can still be counted among the more successful Sci-Fi Pictures efforts in recent memory. Worth investigating. – Michael Mackie

ICE SPIDERS
2007 – R – 87 Min.
D: Tibor Takács
S: Patrick Muldoon, Vanessa Williams, Stephan J. Cannell
DVD courtesy of Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

So-so monster offering spins tale of secret government research project that results in a half dozen very large spiders. The creatures escape to lay siege to a nearby ski resort while generic military types try to figure out what to do next. It’s up to ex-pro turned ski-instructor Dash Dashiell (Muldoon) to save the lives of all the people trapped inside. He’ll have the help of an attractive doctor (Williams) who discovers (just a little too late) what the project heads have really been doing while burning the midnight oils. Constant insipid quips from annoying characters stink on ice, and premise is as ludicrous as it sounds. There is some fun to be had though. The scene where the spiders first attack the resort and indiscriminately eat anybody they can get their claws into is a highlight in a film where highlights are few. Takács has talent, but it’s generally not put to good use here. There’s some gore and the CG work is decent; that matters a lot considering how much of it there is on display. Ice Spiders is the kind of throwaway flick you’ll likely forget about only a few hours after it’s over. See it with friends. – Michael Mackie

EYES OF A STRANGER
1981 – R – 85 Min.
D: Ken Wiederhorn
S: Lauren Tewes, Jennifer Jason Leigh, John DiSanti
Warner Brothers Home Entertainment DVD (Released as part of the Twisted Terror Collection.)
Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital Mono

Decidedly unpleasant movie features Tewes (of Love Boat fame) as newswoman Jane Harris reporting on the recent activities of serial rapist/murderer Stanley Herbert (DiSanti). Harris expresses a special interest because her younger sister Tracey (Leigh) was viciously assaulted as a child and left deaf, blind, and unable to speak. As misfortune would have it, Jane discovers that the psychopath in question lives in the same twin-tower high-rise apartment complex where she now resides with her special-needs sibling. Her lawyer boyfriend initially dismisses Jane as paranoid so she makes a solo attempt to expose Herbert for the sicko he is. Before it’s over it will be Tracey who is once again in jeopardy. Sleazy situations abound. You’ll see no graphic rape but you’ll see the detailed beatings, weakening strangulations, and other humiliations that lead up to it in detail. A dog is thrown in only so it can be shown dead later on, it’s just that kind of movie. Not poorly made, technically, but still off the mark. Eyes of A Stranger is a slasher trying to disguise itself as an important thriller, even going so far as to loosely reference Hitchcock. Whether this was intentional or not is unknown. Regardless, such machinations do little to veil the truth…. This is just another sleazy time-killer… period. The good news is that this DVD release of Eyes of A Stranger is completely uncut and features all of Tom Savini’s previously unseen special effects intact! – Michael Mackie

BLACK ROSES
1988 – R – 84 Min.
D: John Fasano
S: John Martin, Karen Planden, Julie Adams, Carla Ferrigno, Sal Viviano
Synapse Films DVD
Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital 2.0
Extras: Commentary – Trailers – Audition Tape Excerpts

Make no mistake… Any pleasure to be had watching this one should be clearly identified as the ‘guilty’ variety. A quintessential 80’s theme is at work here; Heavy Metal is evil and must be stopped or all your children will be infected by infernal darkness, damned, lost etc. etc. etc. How many times have we heard that? Well, in Black Roses, all of those PMRC style paranoid delusions come true. Damien (Viviano) brings his sinister band to a small town intending to possess and control the local youth. The demonized teens begin killing their parents, counselors, and any other unlucky citizenry that happen to offend them and it falls to ‘cool’ teacher Matt (Martin) to stand, fight the evil and save his students before they fall pray to the unholy headbangers from hell. This heroic defender of the righteous confronts demons with various tennis-rackets, fuzzy gong bangers, and road flares. Yep, that’s the type of force ‘cool Matt’ brings to his epic battles with the minions of the underworld, often attacking with semi-retarded abandon. There’s a fair amount of nudity, a little blood, and a lot of creative monster F/X, but there’s also a feeling of things transpiring veeeerrrry slllloooowwwwly. Mildly entertaining at times, though often for the wrong reasons. In the end you get a sometimes fun, sometimes annoyingly sluggish creature feature that takes itself a lot more seriously than most horror fans will. Synapse has honored fans of Fasano’s sophomore effort admirably with a truly attractive DVD; it has never looked better. Still, Black Roses is certainly no Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare. Then again, what is? Maybe Synapse will release The Jitters next? You never can tell… - Michael Mackie

VAMPIRA THE MOVIE
2007 – N/R – 70 Minutes
D: Kevin Sean Michaels
S: Maila “Vampira” Nurmi
DVD Provided by Alpha New Cinema
Fullscreen/Stereo
Extras: Commentary, 4 extra interviews, music videos, trailers

Not to be mistaken for some sort of biopic on the life and times of Vampira, this is a documentary/interview with the reclusive woman herself. Three years in the making, director Kevin Michaels spent time becoming her friend, creating confidence and finally taping hours and hours of Maila Nurmi talking about her life. Now condensed to a mere 70 minutes, one wishes for more, but what we are left with is pretty good stuff. She’s mellowed over the years and talks frankly about her own vanity and mistakes over her career, not to mention sleeping with Marlon Brando and being friends with James Dean. Michaels manages to make her seem so comfortable, it’s hard to believe she is a recluse and the reported “snob” nasty lady that was rumored to be. Along with her, we get other people’s insights into her career and influences from the likes of Forest J. Ackerman, Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Lloyd Kaufman, Debbie Rochon and even Cassandra Peterson (!). This is a great documentary that I highly recommend to fans of Vampira and even Ed Wood. – Mark Engle

THE DEAD ONE
2007 – N/R – 88 Minutes
D: Brian Cox
S: Wilmer Valderrama, Joel David Moore, Tony Plana, Michael Parks, Maria Conchita Alonso
DVD Provided by Echo Bridge Home Entertainment
Widescreen/Dolby Digital Surround/DTS
Extras: Interviews, Outtakes, Commentary, Featurette, Wash & Wear Tattoo

Diego is all dressed up to celebrate the night of El Muerto, The Day of the Dead, but ends up in a terrible car accident. He wakes up exactly one year later to discover that he is now one of the dead. Trying to communicate with his friends, he discovers someone or something evil is killing them for sacrifice and his girlfriend is next! Will he be able to stop the evil force or will the evil consume him? This is a very interesting film at best. Unfortunately Brian Cox doesn’t create enough atmosphere or ambiance to make it even the least bit frightening. I admit I was entertained, but in the end, I felt like I was watching a low budget Mexican version of THE CROW. All the actors do a fine job, except Maria Conchita Alonso, once quite the big star, is given nothing to do but looked panicked and aged in a nun habit. Overall, I can only recommend this one for the interesting storyline, but don’t go looking for anything thrilling or scary, the drama works, but nothing else does. – Mark Engle

ZOMBIE TOWN
2006 – R – 95 Minutes
D: Damon Lemay
S: Adam Hose, Brynn Lucas, Dennis Lemoine, Phil Burke
DVD Provided by MTI Home Video
Widescreen/Stereo
Screener Disc – Trailer Only Included

Jake and his brother are down on your luck garage owners who take a job towing a truck from the mountainside. When they get there, they discover the owner’s cabin covered in blood and are attacked by a zombie. After his brother is bitten Jake runs back into town looking for help after hooking up with his ex-girlfriend, soon the whole town is infected by these parasites that make them turn into flesh eating zombies. We’ve all seen the small town zombie infestation movies, they’re a dime per dozen, but if that doesn’t stop you from seeing them all, then definitely check this low budget shocker out. It isn’t original, but it does deliver the gory goods. Some of the acting is stiffer than the decomposing bodies and the hick humor falls flat, but the chumming from the ice cream truck to attract the zombies into a salt water facility is priceless (despite being done in Return Of The Living Dead 2). I actually enjoyed it, so I have no problems recommending it to Zombie Completists and Gorehounds. More discriminating horror fans may want to look elsewhere. – Mark Engle

CREATURE FROM THE HILLBILLY LAGOON
2005 – R – 86 Minutes
D: Richard Griffin
S: Andrew Vellenoweth, Tanith Fiedler, William DeCoff, V.Orion Delwaterman, Adam Jarmon Brown
DVD Provided by Shock-O-Rama Cinema
Fullscreen/Stereo
Extras: Commentary, Behind The Scenes, Deleted Scenes, Trailers

This is yet another monster on the loose stalking dumb hicks out in the middle of nowhere movie. To its credit, it does supply the prerequisite nudity and cheap gore. The creature itself is a cross between many Creature From The Black Lagoon rip-offs and CHUD, so it looks kind of cool. Some scientists that look way to young to be anything but senior high school students get stuck in the woods with the local backwoods sheriff and his cohorts of hicks as they are stalked one by one. Also seems that if one is attacked by the creature but survive they slowly start turning into one of the creatures themselves, sporting really fake looking gills and webbed fingers. One of the students also happens to be an undercover agent for a bio testing facility who has been dumping their chemicals into the local fish swamp. The incest, hick and penis jokes run rampant, but all fall as flat as a bottom fish. The gore is ultra cheap, but there’s enough to please maybe some of the more indiscriminate trashfiends out there. This is dumb Z-grade schlock at best, so those who like it might want to check it out, for me, it would do much better sitting at the bottom of the lake soaking up pond scum where it belongs. – Mark Engle

PUMPKINHEAD: ASHES TO ASHES
2006 – R – 94 Min.
D: Jake West
S: Lance Henriksen – Doug Bradley – Douglas Roberts
DVD provided by Sony Home Entertainment
Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital 5.1
Preview disc – Edition details N/A

A group of small-town degenerates desecrate corpses; they collect the skin and parts for profit (And Meth!). Occasionally they also harvest organs from unfortunate strangers who happen by. Among this villainous group is the mildly guilt-ridden Bunt Wallace (Roberts) who, in the original, pointed Ed Harley to the witch in the woods. Leading them is the local M.D. (who manages to stay inexplicably above suspicion). Everybody simply refers to him as Doc (Bradley – Try to spot the collection of Hellraiser puzzle boxes hidden in the Doc’s house!). After the discovery of the bodies, four outraged relatives of the defiled departed visit Haggis and Pumpkinhead is called upon to violently avenge those who have been wronged. Wisely choosing not to acknowledge the abysmal would-be sequel known as Blood Wings, Ashes to Ashes connects solely to the original. The atmosphere is not on par with that classic first installment, but it is fast-paced and interesting throughout. The poor CG is thankfully infrequent and takes a backseat to the many excellent physical effects. Pumpkinhead is still a cool creation and perhaps in a worse mood than usual as the kills are protracted and graphic. It’s always great to see Lance Henricksen, the story moves, the F/X (courtesy of Gary J. Tunnicliffe and friends) are strong, the direction is solid, and the soundtrack is moody as all get out. Unfortunately, the films biggest flaw comes from the fact that there’s nobody to really relate to or root for until very far along, and even then it’s a stretch. It’s all bastards and bad-guys, which keeps the viewer at a disadvantageous distance. Despite its flaws, this Sci-Fi Pictures effort remains an entertaining watch. Though unable to reach the greatness achieved by the original, Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes is still a good time and worth checking out. – Michael Mackie

PUMPKINHEAD 4: BLOOD FEUD
2007 – R – 95 Min.
D: Michael Hurst
S: Lance Henricksen – Amy Manson – Bradley Taylor – Lynne Verrall
DVD provided by Sony Home Entertainment
Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital 5.1
Extras: Trailers

The infamous battle of the Hatfields and the McCoys is dredged up yet again. Can a plot device so worn that it was old when The Flintstones used it contribute anything of value to the mythology of everybody’s favorite demon of vengeance? The feud between the two families has been raging for years. Despite this, Jodie Hatfield (Manson) and Ricky McCoy (Taylor) manage to fall in love. They sneak around and steal moments whenever they can. One night, Ricky’s younger sister is keeping watch for the oblivious couple when two Hatfield boys make a violent attempt to rape her. During her struggle to escape the sister is killed and Ricky ends up beaten as Jodie is driven off screaming. It should be no surprise what course of action Ricky chooses to take from here. Pumpkinhead is summoned and all hell is about to break loose at the Hatfield homestead. The first couple of murders are blamed on the McCoy’s so there’s rough confrontations before the reality of the situation is made clear. Understanding finally comes with help from the local sheriff who is himself all too familiar with the ways of Pumpkinhead, and he’s got the scars to prove it. Most everything I said about Ashes to Ashes goes for Blood Feud as well. Music, F/X, gore, pacing, and the fact that Lance Henricksen equals cool… period. Although we do get stronger and more relatable characters this time out, which helps considerably, the country-fried Romeo and Juliet storyline is so excessively familiar that… Well, they say familiarity breeds contempt. The series itself is dancing dangerously close to the precipice behind that adage as well. However, a first and ever-so-slight hint concerning Haggis’ back-story was a welcome surprise; one that might serve to bring needed freshness to a steadily ripening series. If you enjoyed Ashes to Ashes you should be safe enough with Pumpkinhead 4: Blood Feud. Other than that, it might be time to leave ol’ Pumpkinhead lay. – Michael Mackie

OUTSIDE THE LAW
1994 – R – 94 Min.
D: Boaz Davidson
S: David Bradley – Ashley Laurence – Anna Levine
Image Entertainment DVD – Double feature disc includes Hard Justice
Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital 2.0

What we have here amounts to little more than Boaz Davidson’s interpretation of the movie Basic Instinct. Why do we need a low budget reinvention of Verhoeven’s popular trendsetter? That’s the problem, we don’t. Martial arts action star Bradley is noticeably out of place as the obsessive, borderline alcoholic detective who lusts after the prime suspect in a brutal murder case while inexplicably spurning the advances of partner Laurence. The victim was stabbed repeatedly and then set on fire. All signs point directly to Levine, but Bradley, driven more by lust than any pursuit of truth or justice, is unwilling to accept the obvious and digs deep enough to uncover some unpleasant surprises. Police seem alarmingly disinterested in facts unless it ties into a personal vendetta. Procedure on display is laughable at times and several core plot points are nearly impossible to accept. Laurence is beautiful and convincing and through her skill as an actress single-handedly raises the entertainment value of this movie. Others do not fare as well, particularly Levine who is certainly no substitute for Sharon Stone. An interesting climactic twist may surprise some, but the repetitive and distracting soundtrack that slithers around every other scene will probably annoy most. Action fans lured by Bradley’s name will be sorely disappointed. Such blatant rip-offs can be amusing on their own, but in this instance it’s best to just stick with the original. Should not be confused with 2001 Cynthia Rothrock movie of same name. The on screen title is Blood Run. – Michael Mackie

ILLEGAL ALIENS
2007 – NR – 96 Min.
D: David Giancola
S: Lenise Soren – Gladys Jimenez – Anna Nicole Smith – Joanie Laurer
DVD courtesy of MTI Home Video
Preview disc – Edition details N/A

Three alien creatures are sent to Earth as protectors against interstellar threats. They maintain cover by morphing into scantily clad women that quickly become respected Hollywood stuntwomen. An evil alien named Rex arrives, possesses the body of Laurer and sets a plan into motion that would culminate in the destruction of the Earth and Moon. The purpose of said plan being to make room for another planet that is in jeopardy elsewhere. There aren’t enough derogatory adjectives to describe all that’s wrong with this science fiction/comedy/action hybrid. Attempts at achieving high camp fail without exception. Countless efforts to be funny fall inexorably flat. Computer effects occasionally rise to the level of painfully obvious. Perhaps some viewers will stay awake by tackling the daunting task of trying to keep track of how many other movies Illegal Aliens spoofs, mocks, rips-off, or otherwise references, but it’s doubtful. Smith’s fans will likely find that this film does her memory few favors as it features her in numerous scenes involving flatulence, dildos, over-sized suppositories, etc. For those who ignore these warnings and choose to watch their DVD player discharge this digital doo-doo all over the screen for 96 minutes, well, you can’t say we didn’t warn you. – Michael Mackie

DECAYING ORBIT
2007 – NR – 90 Minutes
D: Tim Pyle
S. Darren Schnase, Osa Wallander, Denise Gossett, Andy Allen, David Patterson, Erin Shull
DVD Courtesy of Hogo Films
Widescreen/Stereo

A space station infected with a virus suddenly explodes, leaving five survivors on an escape shuttle. Their communications are down, they haven't any food or supplies, and all seems hopeless. Worse yet, it's possible the space station's explosion was deliberately set off and the saboteur (who is also a murderer) is on board. Filmmaker Tim Pyle does a good job with this outer space tale, particularly where the special effects are concerned. For a low budget production, the CGI work is quite impressive. While the story is derivative, borrowing from different science fiction movies and perhaps from Hitchcock (think LIFEBOAT in a space shuttle) and the acting is inconsistent at best, this is the kind of Sci-Fi adventure that will keep the viewer on the edge of his or her seat. It may even make the studios nervous, because it clearly shows that productions don't need mega-millions to provide entertaining special effects work. Nice job, Mr. Pyle. – Craig Hamann

PLASTERHEAD
2006 – NR – 94 Minutes
D: Kevin Higgins
S: Brian Dixon, Kathryn Merry, Josh Macuga, Ernest Dancy, Raine Brown
DVD courtesy of Arts Alliance America
Widescreen/Stereo
Extras: Alternate Ending, Deleted Scenes, Trailers

Four college kids, driving across country to Florida for winter break, end up on a back road and stuck in a town called Rollin Glenn. After ending up in a rural farmhouse, they discover the legend of Plasterhead, a man who also made a pit stop there fifteen years before only to be beaten beyond recognition and left for dead. The townsfolk and the sheriff bury the evidence and now using Plaster to cover his disfigured face, he’s back to kill Leatherface style. This is pretty much your “by the numbers” slasher-flick that supplies just enough intelligence, nudity and gore to make it a passable timewaster. For such a low budget, director Higgins and Cinematographer Jeffrey Kayal put in enough talent and professionalism into their production they can making it rise above the usual slasher fodder. Unfortunately, some of the acting doesn’t rise up as high as the rest of the movie. The leads do okay, nothing really standing out, but some of the supporting acting is so amateur, it takes you right out of the story. Definitely worth a rental for all you slasher completists, everyone else might want to give it a miss. – Mark Engle

THE SEXPLOITERS
1965 – NR – 61 Minutes
D: Al Ruban
S: Jackie Miller, Gigi Darlene, Terri Steele
DVD Courtesy of Retro Seduction Cinema
Fullscreen/Mono
Extras: Cinematographer commentary, booklet, trailers

Bored housewives and sleazy girls looking for a fast buck! It’s just another day in the life of the “agency”, a modeling company that specializes in 60’s burlesque titillation and prostitution. Not much with a plot, just a series of vignettes designed to set up the next chance to ogle some 60’s nudie cutie or tramp (the movie has both, trust me). There’s some humor thrown in, and even a scene that starts out like a “roughie” that was to permeate the grindhouse theaters before actual porn took over. Some of the girls are mediocre, some downright ugly. The cutest girl is a hoot as she sits nude for a sleazy photographer while deep-throating an ice cream pop! The best part of this disc is the very informative and friendly commentary with cinematographer C. Davis Smith (known very well in the sexploitation world as Doris Wishman’s cameraman). His output on how these were made, meeting Doris, distribution, pay and so on is incredibly interesting. Definitely recommended to those of you out there who love the old grindhouse sexploitation and nudie loops. Those looking for more action or plot will need to look elsewhere. – Mark Engle

RON VAN CLIEF COLLECTION
1978/1975 – NR – 175 Minutes
D: Billy Chan and Chin-Kin Lu
S: Ron Van Clief, Charles Bonet, Carter Wong,
DVD Courtesy of BCI Entertainment
Widescreen/Stereo
Extras: Commentaries, Behind the scenes featurettes, photo galleries

BCI Entertainment brings us a Ron Van Clief double feature with WAY OF THE BLACK DRAGON and DEATH OF BRUCE LEE. Some people may consider this classic kung fu cinema, but not me. Just guessing, folks, but even when these films were first made, I'd say they were already bordering on being obsolete, what with the mundane martial arts moves in both flicks and the deluge of other and often better chop socky films that were appearing at the theaters. It's even worse now. Anyone presently watching these two lackluster films will find them to be downright awful. Here you get washed out, scratchy prints, bad sound, hammy acting, horrid directing, and amateurish photography. And then there is Ron Van Clief himself, who simply isn't at his vintage best in these films. He shows no sign of personality and delivers his lines as if he's been pinned on Quaaludes for a week. Given all the martial arts DVDs available these days, genre fans will always have better choices for their viewing than this disappointing double feature. – Craig Hamann

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