CULTCUTS SHORTCUTS 3
Welcome to our new section of reviews. Something quite different for us, but we think our readers are going to find it very useful. Basically, it’s a section of shorter capsule reviews. Looking for something different to seek out and in a hurry? Well now you have a section filled with concise single paragraph reviews that get right to the point. From the offbeat and rare to the latest DVD's we are now able to cover more titles than ever before. This is in no way saying that the movies here are not worthy of attention. Far from! After 10 years at this we know with absolute certainty that some movies just don’t need an in-depth two-page review. Case in point, VERSUS. Here’s a zombie classic, but does it really warrant more than a paragraph to tell you the storyline and how great it is? Here’s our chance to cover movies that we wouldn’t normally be able to cover while rounding out the site in a new and comprehensive way. Some won’t be from our sponsors, some will. Some will be terrible, while others will be pure cinema gold. Many formats, many genres, you just never know what you'll discover. The possibilities are endless. Well, dig in!

A deliberate slow paced thriller as a family moves out into the country after inheriting an ancient family mansion. Unfortunately they inherit the family curse as well. Seems several generations ago, their relative bought up the entire area except for one house whose owners refused to sell. One night the owner’s entire family is wiped out while he was out. Completely devastated, he goes stark raving mad until God gives him the power of monstrous revenge. So the legend goes! Back to modern times, the entire town is wary of our family as they slowly start going paranoid. Only the local priest, who teams up with a clairvoyant can save the day. Once the son is possessed, it turns into a sort of Amityville 2 right down to the implied incestuous rape of his own sister. Unfortunately, too little happens too late. There’s some decent tension and atmosphere, but the entire thing doesn’t quite pay off. Good enough for a rainy day rental, we’ve seen better, but we’ve also seen much worse.

Walter is an inventor in a bleak civilization who manages to make a replica of himself via an android. But when his alternate “Puzzlehead” manages to befriend a girl that Walter has had his eyes on for some time, things take a turn for the worse. Walter can’t get beyond his reclusive non-conforming lifestyle while Puzzlehead is discovering some of his own personalities and freedoms. James Bai’s Puzzlehead shares a lot in common with Android (Klaus Kinski) but on a much smaller budget. It requires some patience, but it’s worth sticking it out until the end when both characters start playing cat and mouse games with each other for the love of Julia, a girl just as mixed up as both of them combined. Special Effects are minimal but effective and the acting is impressive all the way around. There are no signs of mentally healthy people in this dark movie, thus giving a sort of Eraserhead feeling without being absurd. For fans of indy scifi, definitely try and check it out.

The Polonia Brothers are back with another so bad, it’s bad Splatter movie. This time we get a definitely rip off of Humanoids From The Deep with a ton of old movie references to other beach horror flicks. Three friends head off to Splatter Beach, two of them for sex, drugs and surf rock-n-roll, and the other to gather info on the disappearances of the local townies and sea life. Tons of rubber suited seaweed monsters crash the surf party as our geek reporter teams up with Misty Mundae to save the day. The jokes are bad, the acting is worse and the story so derivative that only Z grade movie loves might find something to enjoy. The special effects are of the fake blood laying on skin effect and one CGI beheading while the monsters look kind of cool in the 50’s sort of way. In all fairness, the editing and other fields of filmmaking have improved since the days of Splatter Farm, but not enough to make me enjoy this old bucket of chum. The soundtrack is even sub par and I’m a huge fan of surf music. My one hope of finding enjoyment in this schlockfest. The worst yet was the wigger character doing his best urban rap dude shtick saying things like, “This is whacked,” while making goofy faces and hand gestures and wearing his hat sideways. Someone shoot him. NEXT!- Mark Engle

Sonny Chiba takes on drug lords in two action packed martial arts classics! BCI Eclipse is back with another double feature as part of their Grindhouse series. This time around, we get Sister Street Fighter uncut and exactly the same as they originally released it in their Sister Box Set last year. In other words, a gorgeous anamorphic print. The Body Guard, unfortunately doesn’t fair as well. It’s anamorphic at 2.35:1 but some of it is faded and seen better days. It also seems to come from several sources with parts of it containing Japanese subtitles while other whole scenes do not. It does contain several scenes from the U.S. version as well as scenes from the original source. Still a great movie, but not a definitive version to say the least. Fans of either film still may want to pick this up if they haven’t already. Most stores carry this for a measly 10 bucks, barely a couple of bucks over a rental for both movies. Or better yet, buy the original Sister Box set and tell BCI to put together grindhouse double features of movies they haven’t released yet.

Now in select theaters, if you get a chance, check out this new French exercise in terror. Based on true events, a couple is tormented during a night of hell by several assailants. It’s a simple enough premise, but the direction, editing and use of sound and shadow are all top notch leaving the viewer completely breathless. The chase scenes are on par with the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the ending as shocking as I’ve seen in a long time. The acting is top notch by the two leads, Olivia Bonamy and Michael Cohen as they run for their lives while being trapped throughout the entire running time. This is one exciting adrenaline inducing scarefest that made me nervous. Gorehounds will want to look elsewhere, but if tension building scares is what you are looking for, either check it out on the big screen or get the DVD when released from Dark Sky Films. Who would have ever thought the French would be releasing one of my favorite horror films this year. And I thought Haute Tension was just lucky! THEM comes highly recommended. – Mark Engle

A young couple, who make a living by being thieves, find retribution when they run across a simple orphan who happens to have a ton of money to travel home and find a wife. Most of the movie takes place onboard a moving train. Also on for the ride is another group of thieves and an undercover police officer who is hot on their trail. The acting is wonderful, and the movie is well directed, but its self-importance gets in the way. Whenever our heroes do something meaningful, we get too many slow motion scenes with beautiful slow music to show us how much a revelation are characters are actually receiving. The whole thing becomes an exercise in the obvious causing tediousness to sink in. Some of the tricks and action scenes are outlandish while others we’ve seen many times before. I’d rather watch Chow Yun Fat steal another painting than this one. Still, it is nice to look at and the actors give their all. Not for all tastes. – Mark Engle

Small town Gothic Americana gets the good old chills. The Nance’s are trying to raise their baby and run a small farm in a tiny community somewhere in rural Kansas. Unfortunately, nothing seems to grow on their land. In the evening, a dark shadow covers all the light and kills everything in its path. When their child turns up missing, their weak marriage gets even more strained. He drinks more, she reverts to hysteria and the whole town thinks she killed the baby because she’s on psychiatric meds. Things get more creepy and violent as the tale moves along, but even by today’s standards, I don’t care how small a town is, if someone is taking pills for a mental breakdown, they don’t start treating you like a leper or a witch. Both leads play off each other well, but some of the minor characters feel as if they are right out of your local rural theater or acting class. It’s hard to recommend a movie where you don’t care about anyone in it, but director Patrick Rea uses the right touches of atmosphere to keep the viewer interested. Empty Acre is another rainy day movie worth at least a rental.- Mark Engle

It seems our government has been in cahoots with a German Nazi scientist who uses families in the suburbs and experiments on them. Specifically he tests the scientific methods behind necromancy by kidnapping people in their sleep. When Adrienne Barbeau’s daughter blows her own head off, Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s Nicholas Brendon shows up as her son to find out why she would commit suicide. They find her taped diaries about the Necromancer and soon neighbors and townfolk around them start acting very odd. People start killing each other or themselves and then it all goes to hell. It’s an interesting premise, but unfortunately the whole thing plays off very convoluted and ends up just a mess. Barbeau and Brendon give it their all and they both do well, but the script and other characters just don’t gel to any satisfying conclusion. The twists are corny and the gore is old school bad looking CGI. Without a script, I can’t really recommend UNHOLY at all. NEXT!– Mark Engle

Retro cinema releases are cropping up all over the indie market these days. Here is an entry from Seduction Cinema that happens to be Joe Sarno's first color film. Despite being a Sarno film, there isn't any nudity but don't let that get to you. It's still a highly exploitive movie that is campy as all get out, though it does try to have somewhat of a message. This Sarno flick even delves into character study territory as it explores a prostitution ring made up of financially strapped suburban housewives. What's interesting is that the lust in this story isn't as much for the women as it is for money and power. By the way, although there is no nudity, there are some sexy scenes with women in mid-60's style undies, particularly a hot little slinky dance by Jan Nash (aka Gretchen Rudolph). Seriously, it made me weak in my knees to watch it. Anyway, this is a great curiosity piece and should be viewed by every genre fan at least once. – Craig Hamann

This SOV movie is a female revenge anthology that targets gorehounds and vengeance-film fans. You get lots of soft-core sex and plenty of gore, even an unforgettably squeamish dick mutilation scene, plus a glut of vengeful violence by women scorned. Unfortunately, some of the acting is bad, with the various performers strictly playing results. Thankfully, Michelle Boback does well as a multiple rape victim and Jennifer Angiers holds her own as a crime hypnotherapist. Donny James Lucas provides a believable but too brief performance in the wraparound. The biggest drawback is that the stories are all just so-so at best. Much more could and should have been done with this production, but it appears as if the filmmakers preferred to go with the splatter above everything else. This is one for gorehounds but I can't recommend it to genre fans across the board. – Craig Hamann

Filmmaker William G. Macrides brings more of a lecture than a docudrama to the screen with this project. Much of it is based on the puzzling (and admittedly interesting) story of Steve and Beth Lee, who might be victims of a bizarre U.S. Government experiment. Might be, I said. The movie goes on to cover the possible dangers of government tampering in our lives by covering everything from UFO theories, to the Taos Hum, to hologram projections, to downright human rights abuse. The project tries hard to link almost every conspiracy theory imaginable together and blame it on those in charge, namely the bigwigs from the governmental agencies. I don't know. Maybe the filmmakers are right, maybe they aren't. Look, I'm not knocking the premise here. We all should know by now that something is fishy in our government. Come on, if nothing else, there are a slew of unanswered questions regarding the embarrassing mishandling of justice by the Bush administration. However, this production is unlikely to win converts, but it will probably get conspiracy buffs nodding their heads “yes” to every “what if” theory that it states. – Craig Hamann

Picture Brian DePalma’s Carrie being shot on video by some amateur with the reject cast of Saved By The Bell, and that about best describes Beauty Queen Butcher. Overweight and clumsy Phyliss Loden is tricked into the local high school beauty pageant as a joke. She doesn’t understand why, but her only friend outside of her cat talks her into going through with it. When the beauty pageant coordinator (a guy in drag no less) gets wind of it, she talks the other contestants into tormenting her to get her to quit. When they kill her cat and comes in last place, she goes psycho and starts knocking off one beauty at a time working her way up the beauty queen ladder. Will she make it to the top? I wanted her to so the movie would be over. An okay slasher premise with horrible acting and production values, this almost bloodless film doesn’t have much to recommend it to genre fans. Obviously meant to be humorous, the jokes are there, but the laughs are not. Whether or not I could recommend some of the other titles by Camp Motion Pictures, I could say I enjoyed them on at least an entertaining level except for Splatter Farm and now this exercise in tedium. Don’t vote on this dud, there’s nothing to win here. – Mark Engle

After a two and a half year stint in a mental institution, Renee moves with her new fiancé (Estevez) to the desert only to be confronted by nightmares that might be real. It seems a family of Mayans were killed in the house a few years back, but because the proper burial rights weren’t given, they are now zombies. Hungry and pissed off, they make lunch out of a couple of criminals and their hostages and then set their sights on Renee, Estevez and Michael, a local worker who has his own plans with Renee. A nice twist on the zombie genre that uses All Souls Day with Mayan traditions, but it doesn’t always work. Some good gore sequences, with the highlight being a nice head decap as the zombie family proceeds to rip off Joe Estevez’s head! Actually shot on film rather than the usual video, Heavener’s film will make several zombie fans happy, but it takes a good 50 minutes to get to the good stuff. Nice but cheap make up. A bigger budget, some restraint and better acting from some of the minor characters would have made this a small classic for most horror fans. – Mark Engle

Writer/Director Jimmy O (aka Jimmyo Burril) brings dark humor, gore, and cool music together in this indie gem called CHAINSAW SALLY. Why is it called that? Umm...you've got to be kidding. The chainsaw lady here rips up her victims because she considers them to be “bad people.” This includes such meanies as a girl who hasn't returned a book back to the library for weeks (Sally is a librarian), a waitress who flirts with Sally's date, and a smug creep that wants to buy the land that contains the house where Sally and her cross-dressing brother secretly live. There is plenty of gore, some interesting and ghoulish death scenes, funny dialogue, and over-the-top shenanigans peppered through out the movie. The viewer will also enjoy some cameos along the way, such as Gunnar Hansen and Herschell Gordon Lewis, plus several obvious tributes to other genre films. Lots of good extras, too. This one is definitely worth a look for genre fans. – Craig Hamann

Holland, who brought us Child’s Play and Fright Night takes a turn in the Master Of Horrors series with mixed results. A silly premise is handled with excellent direction and a great performance from William Forsythe. A group of kids way back tormented a mentally handicapped ice cream vendor who dressed as a clown and entertained the children with magic tricks. When the kids take things too far, they cause Buster The Clown to get run over by his own ice cream truck. Years later, Buster is back using the gang’s own children to get revenge. By selling the kids voodoo doll ice cream cones of their parents, he kills the adults when the little tykes bite the heads off the frozen bars. The adults melt into a gross goo of guts and ice cream. Yeah, it sounds goofy and it is. There’s some great gore effects, but even those get ruined when the melting finale is done via poor CGI. Some good atmospheric shots can’t quite save the premise. As an adult horror series, this just doesn’t quite work, but then again, I’m not one scared by clowns, even Stephen King’s IT did nothing for me. If big feet, a red nose and rainbow hair is your phobia, it might just work thanks to Forsythe’s endearing performance that turns nasty. – Mark Engle

Based on Clive Barker’ short story, a young writer moves into an apartment building for poor unpublished authors. The rent’s free but so are the ghosts and eccentric attitudes of the residents. On his first night Valerie shows up unclothed and begging for help, but when he tries to save her from a demonic specter, she and her captor disappear into the wall. The rest of the tenants claim they know nothing, but in fact, their reality has been taken over by a continuing story that they all take part in. Christopher Lloyd explains as they go and ends up paying the price. While done quite differently, this little tale is very much like John Carpenter’s In The Mouth Of Madness. And that is part of the problem. There’s too much for such a television episode that’s less than an hour and Valerie On The Stairs would have benefited with a much longer running time. It also doesn’t help that Tony Todd’s make up as the demon looks terrible, despite how menacing he tries to be. Some good atmosphere, decent acting, excellent looking gore and dead corpses just can’t save the over all frustration by this decent attempt at a good story. Valerie manages to keep Barker’s mature storyline and feel, but in the end you feel like you just watched a teaser of what could have been. Either way, it’s worth a look compared to some of the other episodes. – Mark Engle

Demons disguised as people walk the streets enjoying the splendors of life and several humans as snacks. A band of Demon Warriors are in charge of slaying them, but when one of the best warriors, Izumo, accidentally kills what seems to be an innocent girl, the group disbands and retires. Years later, signs and revelations point to the rebirth of Ashura, Queen of the Demons, and no matter what Izumo wants, he’s forced out of retirement. Teaming up with a mysterious renegade female thief (well, not mysterious to the viewer anyway), they must put the clues together and fight the good fight. The action is swift, the cinematography and sets are extremely colorful and beautiful to look at, but the entire production feels and plays out like a video game meets the Asian version of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. The CGI is too cartoony with green neon blood dissipating in midair (less offensive for the kiddies I guess) and some of the plot twists are definite head scratchers feeling as if the characters have are trying to level up to fight. It’s fun eye candy, but only worthy of a rental as long as you don’t expect anything deeper. – Mark Engle

The world of furs gets a righteous kick in the ass with Argento’s foray into the fantastic. Fantastic being the key if you can buy an ancient powerful civilization of creatures living on earth as raccoons. Believe me, it reads a lot better as a short story from F. Paul Wilson, but if you can swallow the premise, the rest is a lot of fun. Saxon plays a washed up trapper who kills the raccoons, but soon his bloody death is covered up when furrier Meat Loaf discovers how beautiful the specimens are. Soon his obsession for a local stripper goes beyond the usual lap dance and people are either getting skinned alive or skinning themselves (won’t say more as it would spoil too much grisly madness). Argento’s direction works well with the setting, the F/X scenes are top notch and disgusting, but when all is said and done, you may want to take a shower to wash the griminess off. Saxon is a real stand out here and his scenes are worthy of checking out this episode alone. While just revenge is an obvious outcome, animal lovers and rights activists may still want to give this one a miss. Fans of the series and gorehounds will definitely want to give it a shot. – Mark Engle

A Special Forces raid/rescue in Cambodia goes deadly wrong and leaves Lt. Bobby Quinn’s squad brutally killed. When the bodies hit stateside, Quinn wakes up during his own autopsy! He discovers that the rest of his squad has done the same, only they’ve gone completely over the edge into zombie territory feasting on the living. Teaming up with the only one who believes him, an annoying military cook, he must use his keen sense of flesh smell to help stop his comrades before the zombie virus spreads or he can no longer fight his own hunger. This is a one note premise that relies on horror film in jokes and homage’s to older and better movies. Definitely a film for fans of the genre from the get go, you’ll either have fun watching it or despise it. I found myself in the latter camp. How many Thriller video in-jokes do we need at this point? The obvious low budget doesn’t help either (strange because smaller budgets in zombie movie history usually helped). The military camps all look like sparse sets hampering what little suspense there could have been. No atmosphere and unfunny, I can’t recommend this to anyone but those more forgiving than myself. – Mark Engle

One of the bloodiest and most entertaining over the top biker flicks from the 70’s gets a great 30th Anniversary Edition release thanks to the folks at VCI. The story is familiar as a bad cop rapes a young townie and blames it on the bikers. Being this is a small bible thumping type of town; soon we have rednecks and bikers fighting it out via knives, guns, explosives and other deadly weapons. Blood flies and spurts with every wound and it is non-stop action up until the bitter end. Our bad seed cop gets the victim’s father and a local mercenary hit man involved, but the bikers also have their own arsenal (in the means of a Patton-like nut who could supply Libya with enough arms for an all out revolution). Listen for Nick Nolte’s voice (he was dubbed over for the role of Chris, the lead originally played by David Hyry). Despite some cheesy lines, non-actors and a horribly fake helicopter explosion, this is still one of the most enjoyable and a personal favorite of the genre. The print looks and sounds great, and being a director’s cut, I didn’t see too many differences from any other release, but it did seem slightly bloodier than I remember. No matter what however, Northville Cemetery Massacre is highly recommended. – Mark Engle

Eight people wake up in individual cells in what seems like a mental institution. After a monstrous noise bellows through the halls and a short power outage their cell doors open. What seems like a low rent version of The Cube turns into a stereotypical horror film where each person gets knocked off by a CGI Shadow monster sporting a cartoon-like bull face (snarls and all). A somewhat well known cast tries and fails, but most likely due to the flaccid script. Gore is at a minimum while suspense is laughable. Shadow Puppets tries to put some oomph into itself by throwing a twist in the final act, but you will either see it coming a mile away or just won’t care. More insulting are the reasons why or how the creature comes about to begin with. It’s a sort of “just because” scenario (this isn’t a really a spoiler, but face it, a machine that wipes away memory is tough enough to believe, but using it on a patient that is brain dead just doesn’t make it plausible to turn one’s cranium into an outward smoky demon that craves life by killing and devouring it). Fans of the cast may want to give it a shot since one could look at it as a reasonable time-waster. All others may want to give it a miss or rent any of the Cube films instead. – Mark Engle

Requiem For A Dream meets True Romance meets Near Dark or just about any other modern vampire film. Doesn’t sound terribly original and it isn’t, but it’s done so well, I can’t help but recommend it. Partly sleazy, partly intelligent, Night Junkies is a story of two people meeting by chance, but somehow destined for one another. She’s a stripper that the club owner is trying to brutally force into prostitution and her savior is the vampire that turns her. Some lines almost seems lifted from the comparison titles mentioned, especially as he says meeting her pimp is just something he’s got to do. Unfortunately when that goes sour and he kills her pimp and bodyguard, the club owner’s right hand man comes after her and he just happens to be a vampire himself. Unfortunately, he’s also of the serial killer type with a sicko perversion for falling in love and slaughtering prostitutes (and happens to be dementedly in love with our heroine). While it all may ring familiar, the cast is different and exceptionally believable making it all the more compelling. If you’re in the mood for sleazy strippers and sex, blood and mutilated bodies along with enough food for thought all rolled into one package, give Night Junkies a shot. Vampire genre fans will want to check this one out. – Mark Engle

Good ol' BCI Eclipse is doing genre fans a big favor by distributing discs of rare martial arts films. Some of the movies are good and some are only fair, but the point is at least we get to see them. This particular entry by Chao Chung-Hsing is mostly nonsense but it's fun as all get out. This isn't really a Kung Fu movie as much as it's a cartoon, what with a lead character named Doggy, a nonstop series of fat jokes, a two-fisted Granny, weird sound effects, silly music cues, and great one-liners in the dialogue. At one point a monk in a rowboat, which he uses not on water but on land inside a room (no kidding), utilizes the paddles as staffs against his foes. By the way, one of the villains wears a candle on his head, which he uses as a flamethrower in combat (again...no kidding). The story has something to do about the search for the secret location of the mythical “Seven Star Armor.” But the story doesn't always make sense, which is actually a plus in this case. This movie is a hoot to watch for any genre fans into chop socky flicks. – Craig Hamann

Chang Peng Yi's film badly wants to be a Spaghetti Western. It has a silent lead character that is a badass, it uses a Spaghetti Western-like operatic music score, and there are plenty of showdowns containing dramatic close-ups. Trouble is, this simply isn't that good of a movie. Much of the problem lies in the disjointed episodic screenplay. The story is about the hero, Lone Wolf, teaming up with two tough constables to track down and destroy a murderous band of Ninja-like assassins. What this leads to is a bunch of fights scenes with boring expositional moments in between. One very cool thing, though, is Tien Peng's (aka Roc Tien) performance as Lone Wolf. He's charismatic and fun to watch, especially whenever he whips out his sword and starts slicing and dicing opponents. Unfortunately, while Peng's sword fights are usually fast and furious, some of the other fights are overly staged and performed too by rote to be interesting. This isn't a horrible martial arts film but it's definitely one that will make you want to fast forward to the action scenes, bypassing everything else. – Craig Hamann

Part Bio part faithful adaptation, both director Gordon and actor Combs bring about an intelligent tale of a tormented soul. This is an exquisite version of Poe’s morbid telling of obsession. While never downright scary, The Black Cat is probably one of the most captivating chapters of the Masters Of Horror series. Poe (Jeffrey Combs) has trouble writing while battling alcoholism and watching his very young cousin/wife die from tuberculosis. He turns his problems onto an obsession of their black cat. From there things go from worse to out and out disturbing as Poe’s mind and world begins to fail around him. This is probably one of the most lavish productions from the series thus far featuring incredible sets, some excellent and gory FX work, direction and acting. Jeffrey Combs is not only perfect as Poe he uncannily looks just like the poet. Elyse Levesque as his wife also does an excellent job and is quite beautiful. Veteran actor Aron Tager also does an impressive job as George Graham, Poe’s greedy and seedy magazine editor. The cinematography by David Pelletier is pitch perfect and Rich Ragsdale’s musical score has a sense of fun found in much of Gordon’s feature films while still standing well enough on its own. Very recommended. – Mark Engle

One set of friends drive out in the country to camp at Alferd Packer Lake for the night and plan on hooking up with another set of friends the following day at Camp Crystal (get it?). One by one they are picked off in gruesome fashion. The next day their friends show up to find that the original campers have all become flesh-eating zombies. Obvious a throwback to many gut-munching orgies from the 80’s what hampers this production is some truly awful acting and dreadful dialogue. It also doesn’t help matters when the first death scene doesn’t take place until the almost half way mark, leaving one extremely bored with discussions about anal sex and French Canadian jokes. Once the gore splatters, it’s hit and miss with some very amateurish F/X to some that are just okay (these have got to be the largest small intestines I’ve seen since the finale from Re-Animator). What could have been a decent premise sporting the proper atmosphere is also marred down by horrible pacing causing more tedium. Go camping instead of watching this clunker and pray Elite finds another Re-Animator like classic to release rather than more of the same old SOV projects. – Mark Engle

This independent plays as though it’s afraid to take the ride by itself and negotiates this fear by stealing so much from so many other places that there’s nothing left for it to call its own. Think Final Destination but on that film’s toiletry budget. Lee is a stripper helping to put her boyfriend through medical school. She gets hit by a taxi after work and eventually finds herself in an abandoned asylum with some other (troubled) people that are all under the impression death is hunting them. They’re right. The next hour or so is spent watching these people run from dark hallway to dark hallway trying to avoid the shadow of the Reaper as well as the Doctor that gathers them all up in exchange for extended life. The boyfriend shows up to try and save the day because a guardian angel showed him the way. Pretty much a failure on all counts. Everybody seemed to be trying their best but it just wasn’t enough (Brandes is the only performer on display with any spark). A little bit of silly gore is peppered over an abundance of logical lapses while boredom creeps in. Been there, done that… - Michael Mackie

Mind numbing tale of a CIA special agent with amnesia who, while not busy living someone else’s life thanks to chemical injections from the military (?!), must help a commando unit figure out a way to close the gates of hell. The world is clouded in darkness and the ‘serum operative’ is, we’re told, the last hope to solve the mystery. Convoluted and nonsensical drivel from beginning to end. A myriad of styles and techniques (and we use the terms VERY loosely) are thrown together in haphazard style to create this lame genre-hopping hybrid that simply never amounts to anything greater than an irritating way to cure insomnia. The presence of a number of veteran scream-queens and character actors does nothing to save this mess; even their most die-hard fans are sure to be disappointed. As if things weren’t bad enough already, the filmmakers deliver some of the least exciting martial arts demonstrations seen since Hong-Kong Phooey cartoons were on the air. There’s a noticeable lack of zombie mayhem, no nudity, virtually no gore, and the only emotions elicited are frustration and anger brought on by a steady stream of insulting references to other far superior movies. At the end a sequel is threatened. Avoid at all costs. Next! – Michael Mackie

Notorious low grade SOV schlock that started the career for both the Polonia brothers has the two siblings going to their Aunt’s place in the country for the summer. What follows is a foray into the vile with incest, golden showers, anal fisting, force-feeding excrement, human butchery and other abnormal behavior. They meet the farmhand Jeremy who happens to be the Aunt’s secret son, born via rape from her own brother, whose corpse she keeps in the basement and talks to frequently. Jeremy is so twisted he kills and rapes anything that moves, but who can blame him when 65-year old Auntie drugs one of the Polonia brothers for night of romping under the covers! Under better production, this could have been a shocking foray into Gothic Americana horror, especially since they claim it’s based on a true story. Instead, all the nastiness isn’t even nasty, it’s just tedious and poorly, and I mean extremely poorly executed. It’s a grave warning when the opening scene has a guy pleasuring himself with a severed hand. It’s even worse when it doesn’t even faze the viewer because it is just that awful of a movie. Splatter Farm should have been backhoed and buried alongside all the fake rubber body parts. – Mark Engle

Harold (George Wendt) owns a nice house out in the suburbs. He likes it quiet and peaceful, a sort of Leave It To Beaver setting. Unfortunately, for a single guy to have that, he has to have a family. Well, Harold is one bent guy. He found his family by kidnapping people from other towns, brings them home, kills them, strips their bodies of all their flesh and dresses up the skeletons. He talks to them and they talk back and all is right in the world. That is until a young couple moves in next door. Harold has the hots for Meredith Monroe and all of the sudden his skeleton wife is jealous. Now to get rid of his soon to be ex and Monroe’s husband so they can live happily ever after, large flesh next to no flesh! Landis brings about a nice comic tone thanks to Wendt’s great performance, which is part creepy and part sad. Monroe and Keeslar also stand out. Problem with this episode is it never gets as creepy comical or macabre as it should have. The whole episode plays out in a sort of safe mode despite some great gore sequences and performances. The dark humor just isn’t black enough, but it’s still entertaining, just too light for Masters Of Horror. – Mark Engle

Cliff and Abby are obviously having marriage difficulties. Things go from bad to worse when late one night they get into a terrible accident. He pretty much escapes unscathed, but the aftermath leaves Abby burnt beyond recognition and practically a vegetable. Taken from recent headlines, Cliff now has to fight for his right to end her life while Abby’s mother wants her to live on. When the court votes in his favor thanks to his wormy lawyer friend (Corbin Bernsen having a good time being sleazy) every time she approaches death, her ghost appears and attacks Cliff (the love making scene with her burnt body is truly nightmarish and squirm inducing) leaving him to rethink his original plan. But why is she haunting and trying to kill him? Some obvious twists come with little surprise especially since you knew their marriage was on the way out to begin with. The F/X work is very Hellraiser-like and effective, plus the nudity and sexual tones are also over the top making this episode of Masters feel as if it would fit right in with the old Hitchhiker Cable Series. Right To Die is definitely worth checking out, but nowhere near as good as the best of the series. – Mark Engle

I had heard that this film had some sort of actual footage of the killer that this flick was based on killing some girl. BULLSHIT!! It’s the same, shot on video and badly made to look like 8mm film. What we get is a fictionalized account of serial killer William Allen Grone. Seems that he and some messed up buddy that runs a junkyard like to make snuff flicks by catching and whacking people that are passing through their little part of the desert. Well, this time they have themselves two lovely ladies who they brutalize in a nasty little trailer out in the junkyard. The film culminates in actual footage of one of Grone’s killing. My opinion on the reality of this is mentioned above. Look people it’s just badly made torture horror porn. Remember Saw and Hostel? That’s all it is and as a sub genre it leaves quite a bit to be desired. In the case of this little SOV project it leaves even less. The killer narrates the entire thing in this flat monotone that is probably supposed to be spooky, but is just boring. His sidekick is so much of a stereotype that when he gets what’s coming to him you almost applaud. They try to do things to make it look like rough footage, but you know it’s not. They try to make it cutting edge and it’s not. I do find that the mountain of material that issues forth from Brain Damage is a hit or miss kind of thing. I see a lot of stuff from them that works, even on the micro budget level. This one, however, is an embarrassment and a waste of time. – Douglas Waltz

What happens when you mix Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In with the Universal Monsters and make it a Saturday morning cartoon for kids? Well, you get The Groovie Ghoulies! Completely inane and insane, repetitive and kookie, for fans, you got to love it! All 16 episodes from 1970 are here with tons of extras to boot. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love this stuff and nostalgically, this was an incredible box set when I first opened it up. Just don’t do what I had to do and try and watch it all at once. Best watched in doses since many jokes are reused over and over again. Some of the jokes are quite creative while some should have been nailed in a coffin and buried for good. It’s all good clean fun and captures the spirit of 70’s youth, especially those of us who bought monster model kits and watched Godzilla movies instead of playing baseball with the neighbor kids. Extras include a performance from the band Groovie Ghoulies who got their name from this show and interviews with several Kool Kats like Forrest J. Ackerman, Bob Burns, Alice Cooper and more. If you grew up watching Groovie Ghoulies, there’s no reason not to pick up this set. – Mark Engle

Back in 1980 Robert Houston got an idea to grab the first two Lone Wolf And Cub films and re-edit them together, dub them into English with a whole new story and release it on an unsuspecting audience in the U.S. What he managed to do is pull it off successfully, which is quite rare. The story is different, with whole new characters built around pre-existing ones thanks to a whole different set of dialogue. Now Lone Wolf is Ogami Itto, once the lead samurai and royal executioner to a powerful shogun. When the shogun decides Itto has become too powerful, he sets out to kill him but only exceeds in killing Itto’s wife. Taking his child on the road, which Itto’s son (he narrates) calls “my father’s dark path of vengeance,” he kills whoever gets in his way. With tons of assassins and samurai after his head, tons of blood squirts by the gallons, heads get lopped off and all kinds of cool weapons are used. While this in no way should ever replace the excellent original series of films, this is and was an excellent way to introduce savage samurai films to fans all over the world. It’s exciting, violent and fun. AnimEigo should be commended for restoring the print using original negatives from Lone Wolf itself. It looks the best I have ever seen it. Highly recommended to enthusiasts of the genre. – Mark Engle

Low budget movie companies cashing in on the success or notoriety of a major Hollywood film is nothing new, but producing one that turns out to be entertaining and worthwhile is a significantly rarer occurrence to be sure. A young woman decides against marrying the rich man her parents have selected for her and is punished with the curse of the devil snakes. She becomes sickly and all the important parts of her internal anatomy are turning into snakes that are constantly vomited forth amidst a flurry of blood and green glop. The young lady’s true love knows enough magic to hold the snakes at bay and, hopefully, get her to his uncle (the only one powerful enough to cure her) in Los Angeles before she is lost. They board a train under cover of night, hide in an unused car and are on their way. The snakes eventually escape to overtake the train and havoc ensues. Numerous gore scenes and special effects throughout as snakes of all sizes crawl into skin, eat children, are pulled from ripped-out hearts, etc. The shocker climax is a real jaw-dropper; you’ll have to see it to believe it. Decent enough production values mix with acting that ranges from engaging to truly sketchy to create a flawed but rousing entertainment. Plot recalls weird Indonesian and Hong Kong horror films of the past and that’s okay. Produced by an increasingly difficult-to-ignore company of B-Movie renegades known as The Asylum. Dumb? Sure. Fun? Absolutely. – Michael Mackie

Wild Roger Corman produced splattertoon is in many ways the black sheep of the 70’s car-movie sub-genre. Frankenstein (Carradine) is an American hero and that’s because he’s the most popular driver of the Trans Continental Road Race, a sporting event where people are killed for points on national TV. Rebels continuously sabotage, and even manage to infiltrate (a spy acting as Frankenstein’s navigator), the event with the intention of kidnapping its star so that demands can be made to abolish the brutal sport once and for all. It’s fast-paced, hits closer to home in the wake of the reality TV boom than it likely did upon its original release, and features some of Stallone’s finer early-days scenery-chewing. The social commentary present throughout is often times amusing, but many attempts at outright humor misfire and it all feels a bit scattershot in the end. Gory, silly, and passable entertainment indeed; though far from the classic some make it out to be. Best enjoyed with friends. – Michael Mackie

Ji-Won is a student suffering from amnesia. Her old friends won’t talk to her and when something starts killing them off one by one, she must face her past and remember if she wants to survive. The cover compares it to The Grudge and Dark Water, but you can throw in Ringu and Tomie as well. More of the same that we’ve seen for about a decade now, right down to the long haired specter coming out of water with most of her faced covered only revealing one demonic eye. Ji-Won’s only friend is a male student who is obviously in love with her and as the clues come in, we discover just how evil Ji-Won was before her “accident.” It’s competently made and acted, but entirely ho-hum since we’ve seen it so many times before. I’ll admit, the ending caught me completely off guard, but only in that sort of works once Sixth Sense kind of way. Worthy of a rental for those not tired of the revenge ghost genre and it boasts some great cinematography and decent enough visual effects. Unfortunately, The Ghost does not contain the subtlety of Ringu nor the complexity it requires to make it worthwhile enough to revisit. – Mark Engle

Grisly and mildly pretentious Japanese tale concerns a renowned plastic surgeon with insatiable appetite for young girls. An outcast in his school days, it wasn’t until he first consumed stolen body fat that he felt complete and satisfied. A changed and confident man, Yuji Kotorida (Kato) rises to notable fame in his field. Constantly feeling the desire to feed on human flesh drives him to distraction so new avenues must be explored. The predatory doctor’s refrigerator is soon filled to bursting with leftover human heads and the sensual and spiritual fulfillment gained from consuming numerous victims provides strength enough to overcome the daily grind. An obsessed stalker (“You are a God to me!”) who has clearly left reality behind and some suspicious cops are always close at hand to make things complicated. And perhaps that online diary wasn’t such a wise decision after all. Shot on video strangeness offers a fair amount of style but is so lacking in depth that nothing registers emotionally. This often translates into disconnected boredom because there simply isn’t anything to hold onto. Scenes featuring a Hong Kong cannibal club and the special woman he meets there are interesting, as is the bizarre pro-cannibal stance Last Supper embraces, but as a whole it just lays limp while enticing religious and mystical references hover in the background and go nowhere. Gore is plentiful enough with F/X ranging from good to totally unconvincing. Conceptually disgusting, occasionally disturbing, but mostly disappointing and unoriginal, The Last Supper is worth a look for Japanese horror hounds and curious cannibal completists. – Michael Mackie

Helen (Blythe Metz) is a pretty but emotionally troubled young lady who relies on prescription drugs to overcome her horrible nightmares. She buys a frightful-looking ancient fertility mask in an effort to improve her love life with husband William (Luciano Szafir). Big mistake. The demonic face takes on a murderous personality of its own in her dreams. When their car runs out of gas on their way to a mental hospital, where Helen is to be medically treated, William decides to not only hike down a back road to a gas station miles away but he leaves Helen alone in the vehicle. Yeah, right. Nice B-horror film contrivance. But, folks, I'm telling you, things pick up in a big way after that. Helen gets attacked by the demon creature and seeks refuge in a house in the woods currently inhabited by two young couples. While this flick could easily have been just another so-so slasher entry, it jets off into a different direction and becomes an exciting thriller with unexpected and bloody deaths, not to mention a humdinger of a third act that features a bizarre twist. Seriously, here is a SOV production that will keep the viewer on the edge of his or her seat. A nice job by writer/director Rolfe Kanefsky and a special nod to actress Tiffany Shepis for her fun performance as Mia, a tomboy hottie that just might be more than the mysterious demon can handle. – Craig Hamann

False documentary from the mid-eighties details the making of a post-apocalyptic gore fest about the ongoing battle for supremacy between surviving bands of amazons and mutants. Things play out as follows… First, the splattery set pieces from the pretend movie. Second, explanations about how the special effects are achieved take place while deformed production assistant Fang prowls the set bothering crew and providing comedy relief. Lastly, the scenes are shown again one effect at a time. Low-budget shot-on-video Canadian oddity lives up to its name admirably and delivers all of the following (and more) with celebratory glee –Throats are cut, scalps are ripped, entrails are yanked/eaten, limbs are severed, bodies are completely dismembered and heads explode. In between all of the carnage comes a surprising amount of explicit nudity. Splatter essentially exploits exploitation and it does this very well. The behind-the-scenes presentation keeps things interesting and if the creative forces responsible had instead released another bottom of the barrel post-nuke time killer the world would be lacking a truly entertaining guilty pleasure. Some will find the gory onslaught dated and ineffective. Many will despise the pulsing synth soundtrack because it’s pure 80’s. Most will cringe at the cheddarfied dialogue that takes place during the ‘story’. For the rest of us, it’s all the above that makes Splatter: Architects of Fear an absolute necessity. Sound like you? Then by all means, seek this out (no easy task). If some rascally DVD company ever unleashes a Splatter platter I’ll be at the front of the line. – Michael Mackie

When runaway Linda Blair is caught for the sixth time in two years, she’s shipped off to jail for the night and eventually sent to a home for troubled teen girls. Just when you think she’s learned her lesson, the bureaucracy puts her into harms away again. Her parents don’t want her and her dad (Jaeckel) is abusive, but her fellow inmates are even worse! After raping her with a wood plunger, she runs yet again. Her only hope is Kim Hunter, a teacher in the system who sees Blair for the true potential she could be. Will she make it to the outside and be successful, or will she end up as tough as nails and uncaring as her prison peers? Acting aside, which is very credible by the leads, not much else goes on here that doesn’t resemble an old episode of an After School Special. The rape scene (shorn from some prints, but restored here) is brutal for all you Linda Blair exploitation completists, but these bad girls don’t even curse making The Bad News Bears seem like Jackie The Jokeman in comparison. Worth a rental at best for all you Linda Blair fanatics, but all else may just want to re-watch Savage Streets, Chained Heat or Hell Night instead. Of interesting note: Janie Baldwin plays an absolute psychotic here, and three years later played in the Exorcist-styled Ruby as Piper Laurie’s possessed daughter. Sometimes exploitation is a small world. – Mark Engle

Centuries ago three peace loving witch sisters (Debbie Rochon among them) suffer the torments of the local township. Their children are held hostage while they are regularly terrorized, gang raped, and beaten. When the youngest of the trio is killed the remaining sisters decide to use powerful black magic to claim their revenge. Thing is, this magic is everlasting on down the family line. Cut to present times where Margaret (also Rochon) is suffering breakdown levels of emotional stress due to a failing marriage. Margaret’s husband is no longer interested in her (!?) and has begun an affair behind her back. The home-wrecking hussy in question (Wells) is prowling for blackmail money, but things escalate and Margaret finds herself the victim of a murder conspiracy. The rest is likely what you’re expecting; Skin Crawl’s script offers no real surprises. Aside from the prologue and the final few moments there really isn’t much ‘horror film’ here. There is, however, LOTS of sex. Regular sex, oral sex (thanks to a Misty Mundae cameo as a hooker) anal sex, and schoolgirl-outfit sex dominate the running time. Some interesting, if not original, techniques are used to tell the relatively thin story and the acting is, comparatively speaking, tolerable enough. Characters feature names such as Nalder, Krueger, Franco, etc. Sparse gore is summoned for the climax. Debbie Rochon’s presence is definitely a good thing, but it will be Wells devotees that find the most to cherish here. The print is a real letdown so consider yourself warned ‘cause it’s fugly. Light on horror and heavy on softcore dramatics, Skin Crawl is a below average disappointment. Give it a rent… if you have to. – Michael Mackie

Like a drug pusher that is strung out on his own product, Los Angeles health inspector Theresa (Sarah Lassez) eats too much red meat. Given the recent Mad Cow Disease scare, that's not a good idea. But tempting fate by being a steak addict isn't her only hang up. Theresa's boyfriend (James Duval) is breaking health codes with his meat-packing business, while at the same time her ex-boyfriend stalks her and her older lover (Walter Koenig), a discontent televangelist, dumps her. The DVD cover jacket makes this project appear as if it's a mad-girl-gone-slasher flick. That's not the case at all. While it's appears as if Theresa's sanity is grating away, we can't be sure. Is she going crazy or is she infected with Mad Cow Disease? It doesn't matter. Despite a brave acting attempt by lead actress Sarah Lassez, the movie ends up being the “Sybil” of the SOV world. Is it a psychological drama, or an offbeat horror flick, or a satirical commentary, or a mostly aimless mess that bites off more beef than it can chew? There are some decent shots and talent here, but director Hatanaka provides too much of a scattershot stylish approach to what is actually a bite-size bit of content. Add to the recipe some redundant imagery and slow pacing and the end result is, well, rather indigestible for the viewer. – Craig Hamann

Several youths on a joyride to Vegas are taunted by a menacing figure in a menacing truck. They hit a trap in the road and suffer only a flat. After they change the tire and catch up to the truck (for vengeful taunting and flashing) an accident leaves one of them cut in half and their vehicle disabled. They look for help at a nearby farmhouse, a sinister place that’s home to more terror than they could possibly imagine. A large disfigured maniac begins to violently pick them off one by one. Worse yet, he is not alone. Sound familiar? It should. The Butcher is a shameless assemblage of just about every well-known backwoods horror movie ever made. And a few others besides, just for good measure. The characters are all alarmingly stupid and the story is preposterously clichéd. Still, there is an undeniable energy displayed that keeps you watching, the acting is solid enough, and there are (against all odds) a few surprises in store for those who push through to the climax. A moldy shock ending pulled right out of the 80’s furthers my suspicions that The Butcher is the way it is entirely on purpose. Some mild nudity, plenty of violent deaths, a little gore, a fair amount of atmosphere and a brisk pace help this one turn out a lot more fun than it probably should be. Recommended for adventurous risk-takers coming up otherwise empty at their favorite rental haunts. – Michael Mackie

On the night of Saturn’s Eclipse, three children are born in a small suburb at the same time. Ten years later, they are complete sociopaths teaming up together for thrills and chills as they murder anyone who doesn’t let them have their way. Heck, they don’t even need that much of a motive! Nobody in town thinks it’s the kids because they are only 10 years old. When the sheriff (one of the fathers) gets suspicious they off him too. This sometimes effective early 80s chiller has some fun playing the evil kids to the hilt, but it all feels like a 70s Telehorror film with some nude scenes added as a bonus. The murders are sometimes quite creative, but only mildly PG gory including arrow to the eye, gun shots, skateboard on stairs, etc. Surprisingly however, these kid actors are believable enough to pull it off, unfortunately the direction and adult actors don’t hold up as well. Definitely worth a shot since VCI has released it on their bargain label, but best saved for a rainy Sunday. – Mark Engle

Two thieves (aiming very high) decide to rob the cash a janitor has stashed away in the basement of a local school where he makes his home. The thugs discover a hidden room and, long story short, accidentally release a chemical that knocks them out, filters into the water, and subsequently transforms the swim team into flesh eating monsters. It falls to super-dorks Steve (Friedman) and Jeff (Gordon) to save the band rehearsing in the auditorium, rescue what’s left of the basketball team, retrieve the bootleg gore flick (Robot Ninja no less) they borrowed and were watching in the AV room and make their collective escape. Yes, it’s as dumb as it sounds. Yes, it’s outrageously inept. Yes, it’s nonsensical. It’s all that and less. The gore scenes are not as frequent as you might expect them to be, either. Splatter that is displayed ranges from satisfactory to downright embarrassing, watching blood filled condoms stretch between what are clearly pre-cut articles of clothing until they sometimes pop, for example. Taking all faults into consideration, the interminably annoying characters are this films greatest downfall. Ghoul School may not achieve the clever, tongue in check, cult classic status it strives so hard for, but it’s passable enough viewing for horror hounds in a very forgiving mood. The promo reel and a couple of the student films showcase ambitious gore scenes and admirable low-budget atmosphere absent from the feature itself. Filmed in 1990 yet marketed as part of the Retro 80s Horror Collection. – Michael Mackie

Convoluted sci-fi western tells the story of a large government container lost on a war torn planet. Several organizations want to find it first and each has a reason to claim what’s inside for themselves. Among those who go searching are bounty hunters, psychic warriors, and military squads. Many are willing to kill to get at the mysterious lost bounty and the future of galaxies may be at stake depending on who crosses the finish line first. Jumbled mess has garnered a lot of positive reviews for reasons far beyond my understanding. Sarcastic tone of film and many over the top performances ensure that Planetfall is tough to endure (Fellner is the exception), but none of that is nearly as damaging as the CONSTANT and utterly laughable CG F/X work. Those who played Sega CD full motion video games a few years back will likely experience a sense of nostalgia at some point while just about everyone else will be praising the inventor of the fast forward button. Scenes lifted from films like Star Wars and The Good, The Bad And The Ugly are distracting and insulting. A lot of effort was put forth to create Planetfall, but effort doesn’t translate into quality. – Michael Mackie

Very underrated backwoods adventure/thriller from Phantasm director Don Coscarelli. Two very different survivalists run their own camps for city slickers. Lance Henriksen runs the respectful to nature camp while Mark Rolston leads the Military style extremist survivalist camp. Obviously at odds, one of the extremists takes things too far and shoots both leaders during a private confrontation. He frames Henriksen as the killer and talks his buddies into hunting down the other camp members as some sort of revenge. What he doesn’t know is that Lance is still alive! His group doesn’t know it either and they must learn to work as a team if they want to survive. Lots of high adventure keeps the pace going at a fast rate as they go against the odds of nature and a madman. Don’t go in expecting a Coscarelli horror flick, because this isn’t one, although there are a few minimal gore scenes including a decent throat cut. Definitely worth seeking out for those who like backwood thrillers and of course Lance Henriksen fans since he is excellent throughout the entire picture. Part family film, part thriller, somehow it all comes together and works well. Recommended. – Mark Engle

Kramer is Lisa, an ex-drug addict stripper with a terminal illness who manages to cheat death when a female vampire turns her because she likes the way Lisa dances. Keeslar is Maxx; the ex-drug addict boyfriend who meets up with his recently deceased love at a fetish club and is himself turned so that they can remain together. The vampire ‘family’ looks at the reunited couple as an experiment of sorts. Maxx responds to his new sanguinary cravings with the same obsessive recklessness that defined his previous addiction. Events quickly snowball out of control until Lisa and Maxx decide to seek help, a decision to which the original group is violently opposed. Much carnage ensues. Grimy, foul-mouthed movie meanders along reveling in its conceit while offering no sympathetic characters and attempts to make up for its shortcomings with an abundance of exaggerated splatter, nudity and sex. Inappropriate soundtrack consists of punk/goth/industrial/metal melange blaring obnoxiously while the kinetic flash cut editing style frustrates. The ridiculous ‘withdrawal’ scene shows the couple in their old apartment trying to kick the habit and ends with them eating their cats after sucking blood from a mattress doesn’t work. Brain Damage this ain’t. A friend commented that it was as if the filmmakers were trying to emulate Near Dark (FAIL!) with every bloodsucker acting the Bill Paxton part – this is certainly a valid observation. The running time is 88 minutes but it feels like 3 hours. Recommended only to the most indiscriminate splatter fiends. – Michael Mackie

After serving a 10-year prison stint for armed robbery, James gets paroled with a condition. He has to join a program where ex cons take teenaged troubled kids on camping trips and river rafting. Getting stuck with 2 girls and 4 guys along with a prison counselor, he decides to scare the shit out of the kids with a couple of his prison buddies that hide out in the woods. Only they have a different agenda. Nobody ever found the money from their last heist and everyone including the detective in charge of the case thinks James knows where it is. Obviously formulaic with other backwoods terrors like Deliverance and Southern Comfort, but only average on delivery. The cast and crew try give it their all and that makes the whole movie entertaining enough for a rental and at least worth checking out. Where Rapid Fear fails is in the acting department. Nobody is sleepwalking through their parts, I just don’t think there’s enough experience or talent to pull off a movie successfully, especially one that is obviously following a ton of better titles in the same genre. Give it a shot on a rainy Sunday before a camping trip. – Mark Engle

Three losers in Germany accidentally get zombiefied via the local Goth clique. Being complete dorks in high school, they decide to take advantage of their new “powers”. They take on bullies, try to get laid and party hard because, well, you can’t overdose if you’re already dead. Our hero Philip has been in love with the hottest girl in school and now’s his chance. What could have been a decent send up of 80’s teen comedies like Revenge Of The Nerds ends up trying too hard to be dumber than most of those movies it emulates. From rolling zombie testicles to stapling body parts back on, the most one will get out of this is a couple of yuk-yuks and guffaws. Obviously this will highly entertain preteen geeks who already party and youths who can’t even get a date on a Friday night. All else may want to pass the bong and shut up. – Mark Engle

Tough as nails dramatic thriller features Skerritt as John D’Angelo, a man who is pushed to the breaking point after he and his loved ones are victimized, almost constantly, by the rampant criminal element in the neighborhood. This family suffers tremendous personal loss and John’s wife even begins to resent him for keeping them trapped there. He then organizes the People’s Neighborhood Patrol to take back the streets. The war is on. Every hero has a nemesis and D’Angelo’s is a vicious pimp that goes by the name Eldorado. Many controversial topics are addressed throughout the running time; race, economics, the legal system, drugs, moral questions about violence and more. Crime is presented as an ugly, brutal, unpleasant truth of existence and the real footage that opens the film drives the theme home with alarming clarity. You might not always agree with the choices this community hero makes, but you’ll likely not forget them either. Powerful film from the director of Alligator, Cujo, and numerous others succeeds at emotionally impacting the viewer and fits well into its genre alongside the likes of Walking Tall, Exterminator, Vigilante, Rolling Thunder, Death Wish, et al. Many memorable scenes make Fighting Back perhaps not the best of its kind, but certainly worthwhile nonetheless. Dog lovers should definitely beware. – Michael Mackie