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Final Exam is a lesser-known slasher that’s taken heat over the years even though it has a lot going for it. The setting is a secluded college as a semester comes to an end. There are very few people left finishing up whatever needs finishing up when a maniacal madman (Raynor) decides to drop in. Courtney (Bagdadi) remains unaware of what’s happening on campus until it’s too late. She’ll have to fight hard if she wants to escape the blade of the seemingly unstoppable psychopath that only wants her dead. Among the most repeated complaints about Final Exam is that the motivations of the killer are not explained. It seems some people are missing the point. The movie sets up this very idea, mostly through the semi-paranoid ranting of local bookworm Radish (Rice), and the fear comes from that; how random it all seems to be, how it could happen any place, in any town, maybe even your town. Another common gripe is how long it takes before a victim is claimed (aside from the opening). This is no body count movie. There’s story and characterization… Is that really such a bad thing? Yes, the acting is a little sub-par, but the entire cast operates on the same level and that helps. You don’t have a singular performance that’s either so impressive or so horrible that it unbalances the rest. When it comes time for the killer to let somebody know he’s there, he does it with style. These are some of the coolest reveals in stalk and slash history, always fun to watch. Final Exam is an easy recommendation for die-hard ‘golden age’ slasher fans, no question. If that’s not you, a rental is definitely the way to go. Better safe than sorry. The tagline says it all… “Some may pass the test… God help the rest!” - Michael Mackie |
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Third and final (for now) entry in the Nihonbi series from Japan features famed bikini model Risa Kudo as Rika. She’s a high school girl who takes off with her best friend to find out why she hasn’t heard from her samurai super-surgeon grandfather in so long. Just as soon as they arrive in his village they’re attacked by bloodthirsty zombies and are whisked away by the only other living person in the vicinity. It works out because he just happens to be heading to the same place. Things move fast but it breaks down about like this…. Samurai grandpa is nearly catatonic due to dementia and is being looked after by his young trophy wife and three trashy maids. The trophy wife is herself a fairly trashy individual that’s planning the murder of dear old granddad with the help of her boyfriend (posing as her brother). He’s the guy who saved the two girls at the top of the film. It gets wild from here…. Rika loses her arm but gets the arm of a famous zombie hunter sewn back on by her surgeon swordsman relative while a reasonable sounding zombie steps out of the shadows offering to help out since all the other zombies are too stupid to hang with. After the Japanese equivalent of the Three Stooges arrives to round out the group, we learn that there’s a way to solve this whole problem and set things right in the world once again; this motley bunch of would-be heroes needs to defeat Grorian! He’s an uber-zombie bent on domination that looks like he could be related to the final incarnation of the warden from Story of Ricky! One catch, they only have a few hours to pull this off or the whole place is going to get bombed by the government for purposes of containment. Lots of gore and some brief nudity (not from Kudo) are displayed during the course of this ‘kitchen sink’ movie. Almost surprisingly, Zombie Hunter Rika never comes all the way alive. The project just lacks that kinetic energy necessary to make it more noteworthy. It’s fun, but not altogether satisfying. The effects are often plenty gross even if their rubbery look dilutes the impact. Some twists come towards the end but beware the unforgivably shoddy CGI. Tak Sakaguchi was the action director so it’s no shock that some of the set-pieces surpass budgetary restrictions. Rika was shot on digital video and holds up well enough on the DVD with the exception of some dimly lit cave scenes that look very poor. Not bad, certainly not great, attentive scrutiny will do this title no favors. Zombie Hunter Rika is likely to fare best if enjoyed in the company of like-minded friends. -MIchael Mackie |
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I've sat through quite a few titles now by the infamous Tinto Brass and I have to admit, I'm usually not a fan. I find most of his movies and silly or perverse yet boring. That is until now. Brass' DEADLY SWEET is an eye-popping mod-60's detective style comic book come to life. Jean-Louis plays out of work actor Bernard, who stumbles upon a murder and a beautiful blonde at the crime scene who claims she's innocent. With nothing better to do and an immediate attraction, he decides to help the young woman retrieve some important photos that the victim (a crime-lord bar club owner) had and was blackmailing her father, who also was murdered a few days prior. Soon Bernard is blamed for the murder, wanted by the police and the mob. Adding to the mayhem is the girl's unstable brother, her unfaithful stepmother, a tailing dwarf with a penchant for violence and other assorted seedy characters. It's basically one chase scene after another set to crazy music and cinematic manipulations galore. We've got split screens upon split screens, black and white turning to vivid colors and other assorted pop art flying at the screen. And if that wasn't enough eye candy for you, there's always the extremely cute Ewa Aulin to stare at in different states of undress or mini-skirts to ogle at. Not recommended for everyone and definitely will disappoint the hardcore gialli fan (it really isn't one as advertised), but I have no problem recommending it to fans of 60's pop-mod style cinema. Fast moving, visually stylish and a lot of fun. Great stuff! - Mark Engle |
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Single mother Dominique Swain witnesses the Picasso Killer (Kier) taking his next victim while going home from her late shift at the diner. Chased through the streets, she is somewhat rescued by a bumbling/nervous security guard (Carradine) who lets her into his building. After calling the police, two local detectives on an unrelated stake out are called in to handle the situation. Soon they are all trapped in the building as Udo kills them one at a time. Sometimes with a gun if the victim is not worthy of his art, otherwise a nice slice and dice if they inspire him (he's building paintings of nude woman via human skin in his basement). Udo seems to be having his usual bent fun and depending whether or not you are a fan of his work will make a big difference with your opinion overall. Carradine is completely wasted and everything is utterly predictable right down to the office people having an affair in order to have a few other people get killed just to keep the horror quotient high or the viewer awake. There's a few moments of decent gore effects, but not enough for the hounds. The plot is nothing new, the direction is adequate and some of the veteran actors should be embarrassed. It all adds up to a bad Jack The Ripper wannabe meets P2 without the psychological damage. I'm guessing the title FALL DOWN DEAD is the nickname it got after the box office tallies came back from the few countries it managed to get an actual theatrical release. - Mark Engle |
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Jason Connery, son of Sean, made his own name and breakthrough with the hit UK Television series Robin Hood. Here he tries out his directing chops and comes up with mediocre results. Something is killing the local livestock in a small New Mexico town. Soon humans also fall victim to this deadly virus. Animal Vet Aleshi Rucci is on the case and after hooking up with the local doctor, they decide to call the center of disease control. In less than a half hour, the military shows up and starts its quarantine. Soon the plot is plagued (yes, that's on purpose) with government secrets, terrorist plots, conspiracy theories and the chase is on and the plot holes deepen. Coincidences seem so over the top, you think you would find some camp value, but alas, it all feels middle of the road. Outside of a few F bombs, you would swear this was made for the Lifetime channel. Alesha Rucci does an adequate job in the lead and some of the virus effects are decent, but in the end you have an okay time waster that is easily forgettable. - Mark Engle |
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Jess Franco's slasher epic gets a proper DVD release from Severin Films. This "everything but the kitchen sink" odyssey is only missing a Franco convent with masturbating nuns to make it complete. Someone is killing off several girls at a private college. Is it the incestuous niece or scarred nephew of the owner? Could it be the local stud or the foreign language teacher? Or is poor Olivia Pascal insane and imagining it all? It isn't too hard to figure out. But what is tough to chew on is the horrible dialogue! Nobody believes poor Olivia when she says she's seen her friend murdered, and that is understandable considering nobody can find the body. But later on, when she even runs into the police in broad daylight and they know nothing about her, they tell her to calm down, she's only having a nightmare?!? Yes, it's that bad, throughout the entire picture. But what is good about BLOODY MOON you ask? Gore, and pretty impressive gore for a Franco outing at that. A knife through the back until it punctures through the breast, a great decapitation, neck wounds and an electric saw to the gut are all highlights here for the gorehound/slasher fan. Other than that, it is all pretty substandard stuff and there are better gory slashers to be watched. The final 15 minutes are a lot of fun, but depending on one's patience will or will not break one's enjoyment factor getting there. Severin has done a top notch job with a great looking widescreen print and a fun Franco interview discussing the problematic production involved in making BLOODY MOON. Overall, this is for completists of Franco's work or slasher fans who have seen everything else. I'm glad I saw it in all its uncut glory, but it will take more than a full moon to get me to watch it again. - Mark Engle |
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What happens when four out or work actors get together in a cabin in the middle of nowhere to write a screenplay for themselves? Well, you get a sort of satirical look at friendship, sexual relationships, the Indy industry and slasher films. During all the fun, sexual innuendos, drinking and lack of working on the screenplay itself, the idea of a horror film comes to mind after one of the girls thinks she dreamt a guy with a bag over his head tried to attack her. Or did she dream it? Soon all four are playing pranks until the real baghead shows up, or was he there all along? Directors Jay and Mark Duplass manage to turn a low budget lark into a successful movie that was even picked up by Sony. And here's where I would normally start trashing the usual pretentious independent film to pieces, but this time I can't. While this project isn't for every genre fan, if you buy the concept, BAGHEAD will supply several laughs, some serious chills and a really messed up ending that I should have seen coming, but did not. What really makes it work however is not the smart screenplay but the actors themselves. Everyone came across so naturally, it really felt like a genuine situation, a true reality program if a camera was hidden. BAGHEAD never overstays its welcome at a short 81 Minutes and is one of the better "no-budget" independent pieces of cinema I've seen in quite some time. If you are looking for a true slasher or even a satire of one, this might not work for you, but for the more adventurous, make sure and check it out. - Mark Engle |
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Lucio Fulci’s final film is a strange one for which an accessible release is long overdue. Savage stars as a man driving the back roads of Louisiana trying to get home. He runs into several different characters and obstacles that cause him varying degrees of distress along the way. Chief among them is a hearse driver with a nefarious grin that takes great pleasure in taunting him on the road. Savage becomes more and more obsessed with the body being transported in the back and before you can say déjà-vu, we’ve got an all too familiar plot that many might think they’ve figured out before ever pressing the play button. Fulci does deliver a fair amount of exactly what’s expected, he also mixes in just enough of what isn’t to keep things interesting. It’s a slow burn, but after awhile the dreamlike atmosphere begins to work its magic and you can’t help but wonder where you’re going to end up. Written and directed by Fulci and produced by Massaccessi’s Filmirage, Door Into Silence is bone dry though it sports a nervous atmosphere that manages to build on itself as the story gains momentum. A solid supernatural thriller, but it’s important to sit down with the proper expectations. Severin has done a fine job bringing this previously elusive title to us with a strong and stable picture that impresses throughout. Colors are often vibrant and flesh tones are natural. The mono soundtrack is always clear. There are no extras to be found. Honestly, I’m just happy they’ve made it available at all. Franco Piana provides the alternately jazzy and suspenseful original score. – Michael Mackie |
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You’re faced with a horror movie called Wrestlemaniac; it’s a safe bet that if you take it home you are going to end up with exactly what you’re looking for. For all curious passers-by it goes a little something like this…. A group of generally unlikable lowlifes curse and snort their way around Mexico trying to find a perfect location to shoot their no-budget porno project. They end up at a ghost town where, as the legend goes, a crazed medical experiment was stashed away after the government was unable to control him. The titular threat, a Frankenstein’s Monster (literally) of a masked wrestler named El Mascarado, begins to take them on and out one by one. Nobody’s breaking any new ground here by any means. Against all odds there are some fairly effective scenes, even so, this is by the numbers slasher fare and as such it’s absolutely average. Sometimes the silliness gets tough to negotiate (a woman gets her pants stuck on and ripped off by a door handle so we can watch her run around in her underwear – a man decides to put a mask over his head and battle the ‘wrestlemaniac’ etc), but a few performers rise above and there’s some eventual graphic slaughter. Fortunately, the most annoying among the cast are killed off first. Deal or No Deal case #13 model Leyla Milani performs well and looks sultry no matter the situation. And, no, you won’t get to see her naked. Brief nudity, enough F-Bombs to make Tony Montana blush, escalating graphic violence and Rey Misterio as an unstoppable monster in a mask pulling people’s faces off…. Your move. The disc is solid but the bland color palette doesn’t do the film any favors. The commentary is lively and contains quite a bit of background. It’s tough to recommend a movie that feels overlong at 75 minutes and even though Wrestlemaniac has its moments this is just another modern throwaway slasher flick with the added flair of the Mexican wrestler legend. Let’s put this one in the beer and buddies category. I don’t think Santo should concern himself. - Michael Mackie |
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The novelization of the "hopefully" soon to be released I SELL THE DEAD. A Burke and Hare tale with zombies, gore, decapitations and grave robbing thugs. Old Willie and his young apprentice Arthur Blake await their executions for murder. Once Willie hits the chopping block, a priest comes to Arthur to receive his last words and thus starts the insane tale of stealing bodies for a good old Doc who threatens to use them as stiffs if they don't come through. As times go by, it gets tougher to steal the bodies directly from the grave, so next up is the recently deceased and finally robbing shallow graves of more "unholy" bodies buried outside religious grounds. This leads to lots of gory mayhem and soon a lady of the night starts dating Arthur and pushes the two of them to start robbing directly from their competitors, a family of thugs who mean business. None of it works out to well for anyone involved, but it does make for some real fun macabre reading. Simply put, this works and even made me want to see the movie more than I did before. The humor is dark and the grand guignol feeling harks back to the days of EC Horror comics. Very well done and definitely recommended for fans of the movie and horror comics in general. - Mark Engle |
I CAN SEE YOU2008 - NR - 96 Min. D: Graham Reznick S: Ben Dickinson - Christopher Ford - Duncan Skiles DVD Provided by Kino Video Anamorphic Widescreen/Dolby Digital 5.1 Extras: Short 3D Film THE VIEWER - Commentaries - Featurette - Still Gallery Three work at home city geeks start up their own ad agency. Their first big client needs great forest pictures and since the ones on the internet don't jive their needs, they pack up and head off into the woods with a few girls and friends. Once there, people start disappearing, cameras are broken, people get high, others have a singing guy in a toupee in their head and lots of transposition shots of people talking or making out with fire overlapping the screen. By the end, people are dead and one cranium is ripped open to expose an empty brain cavity with nothing but a knife inside. Don't worry, I didn't spoil anything. The whole time I was sitting through this, I got that feeling I was watching a college film student project by a director who wants to be David Lynch. Unfortunately, the images are not strong enough and symbolism for the sake of symbolism or arthouse just to be arthouse doesn't do enough without substance. 96 - Minutes and it isn't until past the half way point before anything of value happens, but by then it just doesn't matter. It feels pretentious and unoriginal. Director Reznick does show flair, so it will be nice to see what he does next, if something more original or fast paced. We'll just have to wait and see. - Mark Engle |
CRITTERS1986 – PG-13 – 86 Min. D: Stephen Herek S: Scott Grimes – Dee Wallace – Don Opper – Terrence Mann – Nadine Van Der Velde – Billy Green Bush – M. Emmet Walsh – Billy Zane Available on New Line Home Entertainment DVD Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital 5.1 Extras: Trailers for the Critters series – Hidden Alternate Ending Fast-paced, imaginative sci-fi/horror thrill-ride sets itself apart most admirably from other similarly themed ‘little things that want to kill you’ offerings of the 80’s. It’s a fun sub-genre to explore, but one with many pitfalls. In Critters eight aliens, Crites, with voracious appetites lay siege to the Brown family farm after escaping from a prison asteroid in deep space. They are followed by a pair of no-nonsense shape-shifting bounty hunters who tend to be as destructive as the furry little garbage disposals they’re after. Opper is Charlie, a drunken farmhand who’s been afraid of aliens for a long time and soon finds himself caught in the middle of the chaos. The actors are all first rate; Wallace with her balance between hysterical fear and the will to fight, Grimes with his convincing young optimism which gives him the guts he needs to try and save his family, the sister, the father, the hunters, the sheriff, there are no weak links. Opper earned my respect with his first project, 1982’s Android, and has held it ever since. Also, it’s fun to see a young Zane brandishing that hilarious ponytail as ‘the dork from New York’. Excellent F/X from the Chiodo Brothers bring those terrifying and hilarious little space hedgehogs fully to life. The rest of the F/X work is equally strong. There’re lots of little jokes and references to spot for those who look. Nice soundtrack, great editing, solid direction, a fantastic time all the way around. - Michael Mackie |
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2: THE MAIN COURSE1988 – PG-13 – 92 Min. D: Mick Garris S: Scott Grimes – Don Opper – Terrence Mann – Liane Alexandra Curtis – Barry Corbin Available on New Line Home Entertainment DVD Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital 5.1 Extras: Trailers for the Critters series A batch of Crite eggs left over from the first film are discovered, traded for generic beer and a couple of Playboy’s, purchased by a church, used for their Easter egg hunt, and inadvertently hatched. Wow. As expected, Critters hit the ground hungry and prove it by instantly eating a dog, a grumpy old fart, and a cop in a bunny outfit. It only gets worse from there. That statement could be taken two ways… and both are right. Brad (still Grimes but now with earring) is returning to town for a visit with his Grandmother; the family moved away after the events of the original. Charlie (still Opper) has joined up with his bounty hunting buddies and is busy battling creatures in deep space when word comes down that the job hasn’t been completed yet. Harv the sheriff (Corbin replacing Walsh) has moved to the outskirts of town and would really rather not be bothered with any of it, too bad Harv. There are a lot more Critters this time and the whole place is in danger of becoming one big redneck buffet so the old group gets together, rallies the townspeople to fight and we’re off and running. The battles are bigger, the body count is higher, and the effects are significantly grislier. Even so, Critters 2 falls remarkably short of its predecessor in directing, plot, script, editing, viewer involvement, characterization, heck, essentially everything that matters. The F/X are still great, and the man-eating Critterball is indeed a sight to behold, but it’s just not a satisfying good time like the original. This is often the case with sequels, true, but you get the sense that this could have been, not just should have been, much better. Critters 2: The Main Course is watchable, even likeable, but ultimately disappointing. Best tactic? See this by itself and as far removed from the first as possible. Followed by Critters 3 and Critters 4, both direct to video, both best avoided. - Michael Mackie |
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Here's an example of what I would actually re-title THE TEXAS BARNYARD MASSACRE and it's also the best way to describe this unoriginal foray into horror. If you didn't notice the director's name, make sure and check it out now. Yup, that's George Romero's son and he's taking up the director's chair (this is his second full length outing). I've got to give him some credit as he, thus far, has stayed away from making a zombie film. Unfortunately, he's picked the #2 most copied U.S. horror genre in the last decade, the white trashed, inbred, backwoods horror. During the late sixties, four friends head off to New York to partake in some political rallies. While hitchhiking, they are picked up by a local in a pickup truck, which breaks down outside a farm...in the middle of nowhere. Large mom, skinny grandma in wheelchair and man-child retard of a son start picking them off one by one in order to get skin grafts for the other son, who is a failed medical student. The direction is okay, the acting varies, but the gore effects are nasty and quite good. Basically, if you are not tired of all the TEXAS and HILLS knock-offs as of yet, you may just want to give this one a watch. Otherwise, the gore is all this crop has to offer, and in my personal opinion the farmland dried up and died a long time ago. - Mark Engle |
BLACK TORMENT1964 - NR - 86 Min. D: Robert Hartford-Davis S: Heather Sears - John Turner - Ann Lynn - Peter Arne DVD Provided by Salvation/Redemption Films Fullscreen/Mono I'm a fan of a lot of Gothic horror, especially from the sixties and seventies. Whether from Spain and starring Naschy or from the UK via Hammer or Amicus studios. I've sat through many, so I guess my task here is to tell other likewise fans where BLACK TORMENT stands amongst the many well known titles out there. And the answer is...not too shabby. The story is very familiar as a local Baron returns home with his new bride after being away for three months only to find out from the locals, friends and loyal servants, that he's been spotted several times roaming the countryside. Meanwhile, a local gal was raped and murdered and upon the Baron's return, one of his maids has disappeared. If that wasn't bad enough, when he has been spotted, it is late at night while being chased on horseback by his late dead wife who supposedly committed suicide and she keeps shouting "murderer" in that eerie ghostlike slow motion voice that we all recognize and can send shivers down one's spine. What works in BLACK TORMENT's favor is tons of period detail and atmosphere. There's also decent acting and low budget yet lavish looking sets. What's missing is Price, Cushing or Lee as the Baron. John Turner does fine in the lead, but his character is written as such an angry ass that it is hard to find any sympathy for the guy despite all he is going through. A master like Cushing could probably make it work, but Turner plays the role straight through without much depth. On top of that, there isn't much violence or bloodshed and there's a couple of minor plot holes you could drive a horse and carriage through, but don't let that deter all you Gothic horror fans out there from at least checking it out. For most of us, or at least I can speak for myself, we never seem to get tired of this particular genre of horror. It is by no means a classic, but it does deliver the proper moody and dark chills. - Mark Engle |
BOARDINGHOUSE A.K.A. BOARDING HOUSE A.K.A. HOUSEGEIST1982 – R – 98 Min. D: John Wintergate S: John Wintergate – Kalassu Code Red DVD Fullscreen / Dolby Digital Stereo Extras: Commentary – Interviews – Trailers Jim (Wintergate) moves into a home with a history of violent incidents leaving all previous residents either dead or missing. He turns the place into a boarding house for young unattached women while taking every available opportunity to practice his cosmic telekinesis in the bathtub. History soon repeats itself; a malevolent force begins to mangle and mutilate its way through the cast. This thing has some of the most inconsistent editing ever laid down on film… Erm… Videotape. It’s difficult to get across just how poorly put together, or not put together, Boardinghouse really is. The commentary explains that, to paraphrase, the producers didn’t really get what they were shooting for and edited out a lot of footage. Three cheers for the producers. There is no way more footage could have made this better unless it was from an altogether different and significantly better project. What’s left switches between failed comedy and z-grade gore F/X, potentially at the cost of viewer sanity. There’s nudity, sexual assault flashbacks, kitty splatter, eyeball popping, garbage disposal tomfoolery, hopping hearts, and yet it’s all so damn boring. The disc illustrated that the makers of Boardinghouse had their hearts in the right place, but ‘good people’ doesn’t equal ‘good movie’. Code Red comes through again by putting together a great package for all the die-hard fans out there… I hope he enjoys it. Unless you want to leave your DVD player badly in need of a digital enema, skip it. Watch your own home movies instead. A Boardinghouse 2 is threatened… Now THAT’S scary! - Michael Mackie |
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LAST SENTINEL2007 – R – 94 Min. D: Jesse Johnson S: Don “The Dragon” Wilson – Katee Sackhoff – Keith David – Dawnn Lewis – Bokeem Woodbine DVD Courtesy of Echo Bridge Home Entertainment Preview disc – Edition details N/A Wilson portrays Tallis, the last survivor of the most elite fighting force on the planet. He’s been trained since birth, altered, enhanced, and has a talking rifle named Angel. During the course of the big war between humans and robotic drones, the rest of Tallis’s outfit, as well as a large part of the human race, were wiped out. A resistance fighter (Sackhoff) is saved and nursed back to health by Tallis after her group is massacred. They join forces and plan to seek out the main network center controlling the androids, bring it all down, and hopefully save what’s left of the world. You’ll be reminded of a lot of things while watching this violent sci-fi-actioner, but Sentinel is definitely an entity unto itself. Some ambitious battles, a cool soundtrack conveying an epic nature, and the occasional exploding head all contribute to an uncomplicated good time if you are into this kind of thing. Wilson has walked down similar paths before with titles such as Future Kick and Cyber Tracker, but this time we get some decent atmosphere with the ass kicking. Style and technique help the project rise above budgetary restrictions, though there is the occasional CG F/X display that is difficult not to think of as… obvious. This is better than expected entertainment, and not just for dedicated Wilson fans either. Misleading cover attempts to ride Galactica gravy train by prominently displaying an image of Sackhoff with the tagline… “The future is riding on one woman”. Wilson, though alone during climactic battles in the movie, is nowhere to be seen. Nice. All too common marketing garbage aside, The Last Sentinel is worth looking into. – Michael Mackie |
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The successful melding of comedy and horror has proven time and time again to be a difficult and risky proposition for filmmakers. This generally flat and uninspired title proves once more how tricky it can really be. Plastered across the back of the box is the following…. Sorority Babes: The OTHER White Meat. Yeah, it’s hard not to know what you’re getting into. Sorority girl stereotypes, gratuitous nudity, soft-core sex/masturbation scenes, lesbian bondage action, and a slightly better than modest amount of graphic splatter are the ingredients The Cook has on offer. A new temporary cook arrives at a sorority house and starts whittling away the cast so he can serve them up to the survivors. That’s really about it for plot, there just isn’t much going on in terms of story. The acting is decent, but it doesn’t matter since it’s really all about the blood and boobs. It’s not that funny, and it’s not that terrifying, but it’s well made; you could do worse. The Cook is a throwaway so give it a rent for a quick nudie-gore fix, but it’s little more than empty calories so you’ll probably be hungry for a real horror movie an hour after it’s over. – Michael Mackie |
GHOST MONTH2008 – NR – 100 Min. D: Danny Draven S: Marina Resa – Shirley To – Rick Irvin DVD courtesy of Dark World Pictures Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital 5.1 Alyssa (Resa) has had enough of hurried city life and takes an out of the way job as a housekeeper to start life anew and hopefully leave all her worries behind. Most of those worries stem from her psychotic ex-boyfriend who has become a dangerous stalker. Alyssa’s new job lands her in the home of Miss Wu (To) in the midst of Ghost Month, the time when spirits are allowed to leave Hell and roam the Earth freely. It’s explained that most spirits are content to simply look in on loved ones, most spirits… The closest neighbor, Blake (Irvin), had a mysterious relationship with the previous housekeeper and, according to Miss Wu, a violent one. Now, Blake seems interested in Alyssa. She doesn’t take much notice though, since she is preoccupied with the ghostly visitations that have begun to torment her; they are trying to tell her something, something important. Draven has crafted an attractive film. His subtle use of color brings to mind several Italian classics of the past. More a supernatural mystery/thriller than a horror movie, Ghost Month is an interesting idea that doesn’t solicit enough thrills or emotional involvement to be anything more than a not-too-disagreeable way to dispose of 100 minutes which, for the record, is a bit too long. The actors deliver decent enough performances, though they rarely rise above the level of a well-produced soap opera. That isn’t necessarily an insult as much as a point of reference. Ghost Month is an interesting effort, competent and pleasing to the eye, but generally unspectacular. However, Draven has come a long way as a director and it’ll be interesting to see what he’s capable of in the future. – Michael Mackie |
CHILDREN OF THE CORN2009 - NR - 92 Minutes D: Donald P. Borchers S: David Anders - Kandyse McClure DVD Provided by Anchor Bay Entertainment Anamorphic Widescreen/Dolby Surround 5.1 Extras: Interviews - Behind The Scenes - Trailers A totally unnecessary remake of yet another Stephen King movie. Depending on one's opinion, not even a retelling based on a very successful one at that. Be that as it may, this one starts out with a pig being sacrificed and completely skips out on the adult slaughter that gave the original it's opening punch. From there, we do get one hell of a nasty car hitting a child in the road scene and then it just goes downhill from there. The kids aren't creepy, the effects minimal (some old dead corpses look great, but they've been doing that since the 60's) and the acting over the top. I'm not a huge fan of the first time this was made, but even here they dropped everything that worked in the original. And CGI flies in the cornfield? Really!? If that wasn't bad enough, one half of our married couple on the rocks duo is such a horrible person, I actually was rooting for the kids and cheered when the husband finally got enough cahonies to slap her across the face (and that's something I never root for, until now). This remake makes fatal changes from the original script and then doesn't offer anything new for the fans. Catch this one on ScyFy if you must, but other than that, you will probably be more horrified eating a husk than watching this piece of corn. - Mark Engle |
 STAN
HELSINGD: Bo Zenga S: Steve Howey - Diora Baird - Kenan Thompson - Desi Lydic DVD Provide by Anchor Bay Entertainment Anamorphic Widescreen/Dolby Surround 5.1 Extras: Commentary - Deleted Scenes - Outtakes - Trailer - Galleries From the producers of SCARY MOVIE and SOUL PLANE, so you should already know what you are getting into. Either you love these of you don't. Spoofs are hit and miss depending on the individual's taste. This definitely has more in common with the SCARY franchise than say AIRPLANE. We get tons of innuendo, bad taste, fart gags, crap gags, cockroach gags, hooker gags, sex gags, etc. Krueger is dressed like a rapper, Meyers sort of looks like Meyers and Pinhead has suckers and darts in his head instead of nails. Stan, the title character is related to Van, yet doesn't want to stand up to the responsibility. Instead, he works in a video store recommending porn to his grandmother and forced to deliver videos for his boss via detour after work on his way to a Halloween party. Tagging along is his best friend, his date and Stan's ex-girlfriend. When they arrive to deliver the videos, it turns out to be a ghost town filled with monsters and a horrifying Leslie Neilson in drag. Will they get out alive? Will you make it through to the end without groaning? It all depends. Love the SCARY MOVIES, you will probably enjoy this. If you don't be very wary of venturing in. This is bottom of the barrel stuff, but in its own defense, it was meant to be. Take that as a recommendation or a warning. It's meant as both. - Mark Engle |
DAS KOMABRUTALE DUELL1999 – NR – 85 Min. D: Heiko Fipper DVD courtesy of Unearthed Films Non-Anamorphic Widescreen/Dolby Digital 2.0/German w/English subtitles Extras: Screener. Extras N/A Billed as the world’s first “Party Splatter Movie” this very low-budget title is, apparently, about a couple of battling gangs. That’s it for plot folks, there ain’t no more. A couple of zombies show up every now and then but why is anyone’s guess. The point here is gore, wall to wall gore, so we’ll focus on that. The effects are, well, they’re usually laughably obvious, but they are constant and some are passably gross. A lot of the time, while people are spurting their fluids 6 feet into the air, it looks as though somebody severed a sewage line; lots of brown and watery spoot everywhere. Also, it seems that these generally indestructible characters are part human and part mannequin. Most anything severed from the body can be sewn, stapled, or bolted back on when removed. None of this is ever explained, there’s just no time for that. Yeah, that dude got his head ripped off and half his brain removed, but it’s cool, a glue gun and a loose rag will have him back up in minutes! Sack shot open? No problem! Pass that handy stapler on down! Other over-the-top acts of mayhem include boobs shot off, embryo stomping, genitalia mutilations, hacksaw dismemberments, drill torture, faces ripped away, and on and on and on. Once again, I am no friend to the underground German gore scene, but if you consider Violent Shit entertaining then this is for you. All other gorehounds will likely do better to resist the temptation and seek their thrills elsewhere. Should Das Komabrutale Duell be counted among the goriest movies ever made? Maybe, but when all is said and done, it’s still quality, and not quantity, that really counts in the end. –MICHAEL MACKIE |
TOKYO ZOMBIE2005 - NR - 104 Min. D: Sakichi Sato S: Tadanobu Asano - Show Aikawa DVD provided by Anchor Bay Entertainment 2.35:1 Anamorphic Widescreen/Dolby Surround 5.1/Japanese w/English subtitles Extras: Making Of Featurette/Actor Interviews/Trailers According to the box, fans are calling this the "Japanese SHAUN OF THE DEAD." Besides the fact that there are zombies in both films and the two protagonists happen to be slackers, I consider the statement to be a slap in the face to both Japanese Cinema and SHAUN. Two bumbling idiots who dream of becoming ju-jitsu champions (one as a trainer) accidently kill their boss and decide to dump him off in the local and huge waste dump. Unfortunately for civilization, many others have done the same and toxic waste causes a massive wake-up call on the corpses buried there. Soon these morons are stuck in a Post Apocalyptic nightmare as the countryside is overrun with the living dead. The last half deals mainly with their exploits and shenanigans as they try to survive from one minute to the next. This includes a chance to wrestle/fight with corpses in a arena. Some interesting ideas are completely wasted while other moments test the patience of the viewer (15 minutes watching one sit on the other as they discuss ju-jitsu techniques). Not to mention this silly comedy seems to have pedophile fetish that goes way over the top. Any moments and chances of witty or sly comedy (much of which you find in SHAUN) are completely non-existent in order to beat the viewer over the head with stupid and unfunny slapstick that is painful to watch. If you are a fan of SHAUN OF THE DEAD, do yourself a favor and watch in for the 13th time. It will still be better and fresher than this turd. - Mark Engle |
CROWLEY2007 - NR - 106 Min. D: Julian Doyle S: Simon Callow - John Shrapnel - Richard Franklin DVD Provided by Anchor Bay Entertainment 1.85:1 Anamorphic Widescreen/Dolby Surround 5.1 Extras: Commentary/Making Of Featurette/Deleted Scenes/Trailers When is pushing the envelope enough? For myself it is when tedium sets in while watching something disturbing. Just one of my main problems with CROWLEY, a movie mostly known for as being co-written by Iron Maiden front-man Bruce Dickinson. During a virtual reality experiment gone bad ala ALTERED STATES, a milquetoast professor (Callow) becomes possessed by Aleister Crowley. From there on out, he loses his shyness and lifelong stutter only to shit on the dean's desk, take up with prostitutes, give long and violent reacharounds to males who submit to him and finally plan the ultimate black mass occult event of the century to unleash true evil upon the earth. Some interesting ideas get lost along the way while director Doyle seems to see how much debauchery he can put on the screen. Thankfully, the performances will keep horror fans interested along with ample amounts of freaky nudity. Otherwise this tale is just another exorcise (pun intended) in predictability and the mundane. The whole thing plays like a Ken Russell script without a sense of direction. LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM this is not. - Mark Engle |
