| CULTCUTS
SHORTCUTS
Welcome to our new section of reviews. Something quite different for us,
but we think our readers are going to find it very useful. Basically,
it’s a section of shorter capsule reviews. Looking for something
different to seek out and in a hurry? Well now you have a section filled
with concise single paragraph reviews that get right to the point. From
the offbeat and rare to the latest DVD's we are now able to cover more
titles than ever before. This is in no way saying that the movies here
are not worthy of attention. Far from! After 10 years at this we know
with absolute certainty that some movies just don’t need an in-depth
two-page review. Case in point, VERSUS. Here’s a zombie classic,
but does it really warrant more than a paragraph to tell you the storyline
and how great it is? Here’s our chance to cover movies that we wouldn’t
normally be able to cover while rounding out the site in a new and comprehensive
way. Some won’t be from our sponsors, some will. Some will be terrible,
while others will be pure cinema gold. Many formats, many genres, you
just never know what you'll discover. The possibilities are endless. Well,
dig in! |
| LITTLE
ERIN MERRYWEATHER
2003 – R – 84 Minutes
D: David Morwick
S: David Morwick, Vigdis Anholt, Elizabeth Callahan, Jillian Wheeler,
Frank Ridley
DVD Provided By Three Stone Pictures
Widescreen/Dolby Stereo
Extras: Screener - None Available
Writer/director/editor/producer/lead actor David Morwick tries his hand
at slasher flicks with LITTLE ERIN MERRYWEATHER. The results are mixed.
First off, given the number of hats Morwick wears, this is more a “Hey,
look what I did!” showcase piece than an actual horror project.
After a nice opening scene, the movie trails off until it finally ends
up wallowing in mediocrity. The story is about a slasher run amuck on
a college campus. A reporter for the university paper attempts to explore
the case until he can solve the murders. But the closer he gets to the
answer, the more danger he finds himself facing. Morwick’s direction
is decent technically, but it seriously lacks a creative signature. The
acting is hit and miss, and when it misses, it does in a big way. To be
fair, Morwick’s performance is rather good but not riveting. Some
of the so-called college students seem like they’re straining to
look younger, not to mention there is an ample amount of expository dialogue.
Worse yet, the movie simply isn’t scary. It lacks both chills and
gore, and it hasn’t much in the way of mystery, thus damaging what
suspense there is. And even worse than that, there is a nonsensical clichéd
tag at the end. If the viewer is a slasher flick junkie, then Morwick’s
feature is worth a look. Otherwise, this is a tame venture into the world
of slasher flicks. – Craig Hamann
|
| GHAT:
THE HILL STATION
India/2007 – NR – 75 Minutes
D: Wilson Louis
S: Zachary Coffin, Nilesh Diwekar, Elena, Vaibhav Jhalani, Tarun Mehta
DVD Provided by Verve Communication
Widescreen/Dolby Stereo
Extras: Screener - None Available
The U.K. Paranormal Center assigns researcher Carol Blaire with
the job of making a documentary of a haunted house at India's GHAT: THE
HILL STATION (so that’s where the title comes from). Oh, by the
way, Carol is very pretty, sexy beyond belief, and likes to go swimming
alone late at night in a dark pond next to a place where murders have
occurred. She takes a group of weirdoes along with her to help shoot the
documentary. Most of them, such as their jittery and inept guide Rambharose,
seem to be more comedy relief than essential to the expedition. Urmi,
another journalist, is pretty and sexy like Carol, but she won’t
go swimming in the dark pond. Overall, the story is simplistic and offers
few real surprises or plot twists. But, folks, let me tell you, don’t
miss this little horror gem. After an intense opening scene, filmmaker
Wilson Louis just keeps hitting the viewers with one spooky image after
another. Cinematographer Pushpank Gawade really helps things out with
excellent natural lighting and first rate photography. Look, this is a
horror film. It’s not perfect, but it delivers the goods in creepiness,
jump scares, and spine-tingling scenes. Aside from Verve Communication’s
idiotic decision to place “FOR SCREENING PURPOSES ONLY” across
the screen in bold letters for the entire freakin’ film (and that’s
while their logo was incredibly pasted on the right side of the screen),
this was a fun watch. I highly recommend it for fright fans. – Craig
Hamann
|
| THE
WRONG SIDE OF TOWN
2010 - R - 88 Minutes
D: David DeFalco
S: Rob Van Dam, Stormy Daniels, Dave Bautista, Ava Santana
DVD Provided by LIONSGATE FILMS
Widescreen/5.1 Dolby Digital Audio
Extras: Featurettes/Interviews/Training Video/Trailers
Forget the fact that David Boutista's face and name
is all over the DVD box, this is by far Rob Van Dam's show all the way.
Boutista literally only has about 10 minutes screen time. Rob plays nice
quiet married suburban Bobby Kalinowsky, who through a set of circumstances
gets invited out to a night on the town with his wife and new neighbors,
much against his better judgment. Unfortunately, his premonition skills
are dead on when they happen to be having dinner at the hottest night
club in town owned by a mob kingpin. During dinner, the owner's brother/son
(yeah, you read that right), tries to rape Bobby's wife when she is returning
from the bathroom. Circumstances lead our hero to protect his lovely lady
only to have the scumbag fall on his own knife. From here on out, Bobby,
wife and friends are in for a night of hell when all they want to do is
go home. Our mobster has ties with the police and now Bobby has a 100
grand bounty on his head if brought in alive. Every gangster, street thug
and drug addict are now after him. After several unsuccessful attempts
to bring in this Ex-Navy Seal, they go after his teen daughter to hold
as bait. Will he save her? Or will he kill the distributors for stealing
the movie he starred in to make it look like a Bautista flick? There are
no surprises here at all whatsoever, but I must admit I did enjoy watching
it go down the familiar territory. The acting is iffy, but Van Dam plays
a pretty likable character. The bad guys are either stupid or over the
top depending on their character. Overall, this plays like a Steven Seagal
movie trying to be THE WARRIORS but without the grittiness or atmosphere
that either possesses. Most of the fight scenes come across stagy until
the final showdowns (yes, more than one), the best, believe it or not,
involving David Boutista. Action fans, you've seen much much worse, so
give it a shot if you are bored on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - Mark Engle
|
|
THE CARETAKER
2008- R - 82 Minutes
D: Bryce Olson
S: Kira Verrastro, James Immekus, Jennifer Tilly, Judd Nelson
DVD Provided by MTI Home Video
Widescreen/Stereo
Extras: Screener - None Available.
Six teenagers skip out on their Halloween night school dance in order
to head out into an abandon orchard and party at the Caretaker's old house.
The story goes, in order to scare the girls into the teen boy's pants,
is the Caretaker was so jealous of his wife, he chained her up and went
insane. She tried to escape with her newborn baby daughter, he caught
her, killed his better half and he and his daughter were never seen again.
That is until now. This lame excuse for a Slasher has only one redeeming
quality. It offers Boob-A-Lanterns! Never seen them before, probably will
never see them again, at least cinematically. Little gore as most kills
are off screen. No atmosphere, no real characters to root for, no jump
scares, no tension, BUT it has Boob-A-Lanterns! The characters want to
be right out of AMERICAN PIE, right down to rude farting humor, but you
just hate every one of them. Judd Nelson is completely wasted, but kind
of plays a key role. Meg Tilly on the other hand (no, it isn't her with
the Boob-A-Lanterns!) is so over the top psycho, she makes her role in
SEED OF CHUCKY seem subtle. She's a teacher who wants to become famous
in the tabloids by seducing her students, only to change her mind when
sleeping with the Caretaker may just have more publicity possibilities.
This being a bad Slasher movie, I'm sure you know it doesn't quite work
out the way she wanted. But hey, she played in a movie that features Boob-A-Lanterns!
The teen cast (mostly people in their mid to late 20's) are pretty TV
character actors that include soap operas and one to four episodes of
a television series. Unfortunately what little talent they may have had,
is directed right out of THE CARETAKER leaving most of them to come across
as poor cattle waiting for the slaughter. All I can say is two things
about the CARETAKER. One is to give this rotten apple a miss. And our
second thing is ... BOOB-A-LANTERNS! - Mark Engle
|
| DANTE'S
INFERNO
2010 - NR - 88 Min.
D: Victor Cook - Sang-Jin Kim - Shuko Murase - Jong-Sik Nam
DVD Provided by Anchor Bay
Entertainment
Anamorphic Widescreen - Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround
Extras: Game Trailer - Animatics
Dante must travel through the nine circles of hell, defeat each overlord
demon to make it to the deepest part of Hades. Once there, he must destroy
Satan to save his innocent beloved Beatrice. Sounds like a video game
because it based on the new game from EA Inc. by the same name. It's hit
and miss depending on the level Dante enters, but it is interesting to
see the visions of hell and how they are designed by the writers and animators.
Basically, it isn't necessarily the trek our hero goes on that draws in
the viewer since it plays by the numbers, but how the screen fills up
with the damned. Several levels are represented by the deadly sins so
we get massive amounts of souls being chewed up and spit out in creative
ways. And don't forget lust as our hero spears their vaginas in order
to destroy and move on to the next level. Several levels come with a back
story and how it relates to either Beatrice or Dante and each demon gets
tougher to beat as he descends into the pits of hell. This creates some
interesting twists to the pretty stale formula. If you are a fan of the
game, I say definitely check it out as a companion piece. If you are a
fan of the demonic end of Anime, it may not rate up with the classics,
but surely shouldn't be dismissed either. Some of the artwork is simplistic,
but it is always busy and chaotic, just like one may imagine Hell would
be. I'm not a fan of Anima or most video games and I was still entertained
by it despite its imperfections. If that doesn't sell it, then the rest
of you may want to give it a miss. - Mark Engle
|
| CRUEL
RESTAURANT aka ZANKOKU HANTEN
2008 - NR - 75 Minutes
D: Koji Kawano
S: Mihiro - Sakae Yamazaki - Katsuya Naruse - Yusuke Iwata
DVD Provided by Switchblade Pictures
Anamorphic Widescreen - SOV - Dolby Digital 2.0
Poor Lin. Sometimes she gets her dumplings just right. So good
in fact, people come from all around to eat her famous pot stickers. What
she doesn't know is that her boss has been using human flesh when supplying
the ingredients. Several people are suspicious of the restaurant, including
two police officers, but nobody seems to be able to prove a thing. Obviously
this is more a take on other popular titles like DUMPLINGS and even EBOLA
SYNDROME (minus the disease), but to a much sillier extreme. Unfortunately
it isn't over the top enough to sustain the less than hour and a half
running time. Slapstick moments break into gross out scenes that turn
into horribly acted dramatic interludes that bring the picture to a halt.
Director Kawano really could take a lesson or two from the folks at TROMA
at the realm of low budget bad taste with the likes of POULTRYGEIST or
CITIZEN TOXIE. Mihiro, who plays the lead is really cute and she definitely
doesn't shy away from the nudity or sexual situations, which may be a
plus for many viewers. There's also some gore and violence, but it is
simplistic and dime store variety. At least there's quite a bit of it
considering the gruesome subject matter. As for the infamous ending, of
which I won't spoil here, it is crazy and over the top, but it is too
late to make the rest of the movie matter. Undemanding fans who want lots
of nudity, cheesy camp, gore and simplistic storylines, this movie may
just be filling enough. I for one was hungry for something stronger than
what CRUEL RESTAURANT could even begin to serve up. - Mark Engle
|
| SUPERCHICK
1973 – R – 94 Min.
D: Ed Forsyth
S: Joyce Jillson
Brentwood DVD
Anamorphic Widescreen – Dolby Digital 2.0
Extras: Trailers – Paired with Hustler Squad on Brentwood’s
Welcome to the Grindhouse series.
Joyce Jillson is Tara B. True. A free-loving feminist
airline stewardess with a lover at every major layover (Get it?). She’s
got ‘em in New York, Los Angeles and Miami. Those are just the regulars;
there are also the random encounters. She does her patriotic duty for/with
a Marine who’s been trapped on an island with a dog for two years,
as an example. Tara narrates her adventures with groovy philosophical
insights and, when she has to, breaks out with the heavy-duty ka-rah-tay.
Between the freaky biker rapists and the airline-hijacking gangsters,
she needs those righteous moves more often than you might think. Yeah
baby, she is one far out chick. She’s really together, man. Can
you dig it? Sorry. This is light-as-air sexploitation silliness that’s
as empty-headed as they come. Still, it’s spirited enough and remains
amusing despite (or perhaps because of) its faults. Those seeking a deep
and satisfying cinematic experience won’t be reaching for Superchick
to begin with. Those that do will certainly get exactly what they’re
looking for. It might not be very good, but there’re a lot more
painful ways to spend an hour and a half, believe me. Look for cameos
from John Carradine, Uschi Digard, and Candy Samples. Right on. - Michael
Mackie |
|
THE LAST MARRIED COUPLE IN AMERICA
1980 – R – 102 Min.
D: Gilbert Cates
S: George Segal – Natalie Wood – Richard Benjamin –
Dom DeLuise – Valerie Harper
MCA Universal Home Entertainment VHS
Jeff and Mari (Segal and Wood) are a happily married couple that watch
in disbelief and fear as all their friends separate or get divorced. Eventually
questioning his own relationship and manhood, Jeff gives in to the advances
of Mari’s slutty friend Barbara (Harper). Curiosity probably played
a part in it as well considering his reaction to hearing about Barbara’s
vagina tightening operation. And only 400 bucks, what they won’t
think of next! Anyway, Jeff ends up with the clap so the truth comes out.
Mari had been unfaithful in the past and these recent events bring all
that out of the closet as well; now they are separated and their seemingly
novel status, referenced in the title, is in serious jeopardy. Soon, everybody
is sleeping with, or trying to sleep with, just about anyone or anything
moving. Oh yeah, watch for Priscilla Barnes in a small role. It all comes
down to what happens at a birthday party (set-up before all the shenanigans)
our troubled couple must throw for Frank (DeLuise). A party populated
with hookers, porn stars, cross-dressers, and swingers from San Diego.
Can the last married couple in America survive? Will you give a floating
multicolored monkey fart either way? Though the film begins with the potential
to become amusing and involving satire, it quickly degenerates into an
emotionally challenged and morally bankrupt dirty joke with all the heartfelt
insight of a discarded A-Team script. It’s a shame; Segal and Wood
are both fine and have strong chemistry in their early scenes together,
but past the halfway point it becomes increasingly difficult to give a
damn what happens to them or anybody else in the story. There is no feeling
of believable honesty or sincerity, on the contrary, virtually every character
ends up looking like a self-possessed jerk by the time it’s over.
For something similar (though far more rewarding) check out Bill Persky’s
underrated 1980 film Serial instead. - Michael Mackie
|
| BLOODY
BEACH A.K.A. HAEBYEONEURO GADA
2000 – NR – 89 Min.
D: In Soo Kim
S: Hyun-Jung Kim – Hyun-Kyoon Lee – Seung-Chae Lee
DVD provided by Pathfinder Home Entertainment
Fullscreen / Dolby Digital 2.0/Korean with English Subtitles
Extras: Trailers
The off-putting comic book design of the packaging made me wary, the indescribably
grating theme song on the menu made me downright nervous, but first impressions
can be misleading. Veteran director In Soo Kim has designed for us a ride
on the way back machine; straight into the heyday of the American slasher
film of the 80’s. Eight young people who know each other only from
chatting online decide to take a vacation at a nice out of the way beach
house. You’ll witness the expected partying, drinking, and sex in
the woods that’s par for the course, and you’ll quickly discover
that there’s a dangerous killer on the loose with many a sharp and
shiny tool of that chosen vocation to whittle away the cast with…
one by one. This is 80’s stalk-and-slash at its best… From
the year 2000! A clear relative of Friday the 13th, The Burning, etc,
the killer is an outcast of the aforementioned group and now seeks revenge
for the alienation and resultant emotional misery. This is in no way meant
to be a damning indictment. In fact, what the filmmakers aimed for they
achieved with great success. Your enjoyment will likely be gauged by your
already existing appreciation for the genre as it reigned in days gone
by. There’s plenty of nice cinematography, just about everybody
in the competent cast gets to look suspicious at one time or another,
quick but splattery gore is peppered throughout the second half, and the
final moments are pulled right out of the horror handbook. Again, I mean
that in the most flattering context possible; it just works. After the
grabber that starts things off, Bloody Beach takes it’s time setting
up and lets you get to know everybody before the bodies begin to fall.
Yep, there’s an actual story here so keep this hidden away from
your impatient gorehound friends, chances are they won’t like it
anyway. Aside from the hatefully torturous theme song, the only other
problem I had with the movie was the appearance of the strange quiet man
walking around in the woods. He has just one other scene, but while the
people searching for their screaming friend seemed entirely comfortable
with his presence, I was having a Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
flashback. That head-scratcher aside, the above average Bloody Beach is
recommended viewing for slasher fans. - Michael Mackie
|
| THE
WITCHES HAMMER
2006 - NR - 91 Minutes
D: James Eaves
S: Claudia Coulter - Stephanie Beacham
DVD Provided by MTI Home Video
Widescreen/Stereo 2.0
Extras: Screener - none available at this time.
So this woman gets herself offed by a vampire. Then a group of
shady types recover the body and genetically modify her to make her the
ultimate killing machine. Now, she is on the trail of a book called The
Witches Hammer. Seems a witch wrote it after her child was killed by a
priest and if someone finds it they can release the souls of the damned
and bring eternal darkness to the Earth. Of course a bunch of vampires
want this to happen and now she is up against many more powerful vampires
along with some witches and demons who are trying to stop her from recovering
the book. What is wrong with this movie? Having vampires explode into
glittery gold sparkles when they get killed is stupid. Shooting fight
scenes in slow motion to cover the fact that the fight choreography is
amateur at best is reprehensible. Using a plot that sounds like it was
lifted from the trash bins of the guys who write Buffy The Vampire Slayer
is, well it’s not very good. Our lead actress speaks rarely and
when she does it’s with such a thick accent that subtitles might
have been a good idea. The movie plods along at a demon dull pace with
no relief in sight. At 91 minutes it’s twice as long as a story
like this would support. Now for the good. There is this one huge vampire
and she runs a circus. She’s the fat lady and her sidekick is a
little person. Of course they are both vampires and I did think that it
was inventive to have a vampire so fat that you couldn’t stake them
out like a normal vampire. The stake won’t reach. The rapport between
her and the little guy is quite finny and adds to the comic relief that
helps move the flick along a little. In the end The Witches Hammer is
a lukewarm, ultra tame vampire movie that does nothing to put itself in
the top of the heap. Forgettable at best and probably a good idea to pass
by when you see it at the video store. - Douglas A. Waltz
|
| ROT:
REUNION OF TERROR
2009 - NR - 80 Minutes
D: Michael A. Hoffman
S: Christian Anderson - Monique Barajas - L.J. Green
DVD Provided by Shock-O-Rama Cinema
Widescreen/Stereo 2.0
Extras: commentary - 3 featurettes - deleted scenes - music videos - trailers
Two hot lesbians get butchered while camping as the
prelude sets up this SOV Slasher. The Reunion in the title is five ex
students heading off to a cabin in the woods to reminisce their glory
days. Along the way, the chubby loser picks up a young hitchhiker making
it an even half dozen. Once there, people start getting knocked off one
by one (mostly off screen). Did the guy who set the whole thing up, but
didn't show responsible? Is it one of the party? Or is it the creepy perverted
park ranger? It doesn't matter really since the acting is pretty dreadful,
the pacing dull and the atmosphere non-existent. Once we get to the surprise
whodunnit stage, it doesn't really matter. I've got to admit, I never
guessed it, but that doesn't make it all the more shocking like the DVD
cover would have you believe. There's nudity, some blood, but gore is
nowhere to be seen, which may have livened up this camp fest. Maybe, just
maybe, the only thing ROT has going for it is the fact that it isn't one
of those dime a dozen inbred hick cannibal movies, which it could have
easily become considering the woodsy locations. If you like low budget
in your face forest slashers, ROT is pretty below subpar. Do yourself
a favor and hunt down a copy of DON'T GO IN THE WOODS or FINAL TERROR
(Out of Print but worth it) before checking this one out. You'll feel
your mind ROT before any chance of being entertained by this sad excuse
in the modern day slasher market. - Mark Engle |
| 
DOOMED
2006 – NR – 76 Min.
D: Michael Su
S: Sarah Diaz – Drew Russell – Steve Cryen – Michael
Kehoe
Maverick Entertainment DVD
Fullscreen / 5.1 Surround
Extras: Trailers
Ten people serving long sentences for myriad crimes are dropped on the
Isola De Romero *cough* and divided into teams of two. These teams are
instructed to try to make it to the other side of the island where millions
of dollars and a complete pardon await them. Freedom, riches, everything
they could want, with one catch… The island is overrun with the
living dead. All this will be filmed and broadcast on the popular TV show
Survival Island 2020. There’ll be alliances, betrayals, and many
other staples of successful reality television. The kicker is that nobody
has survived so far and the show is still looking for its first heroic
victors. Will this episode finally find a winner? Will you even care?
This feisty independent borrows from places too numerous to list here
and attempts to come up with something a little different. They definitely
achieved that, just not to any degree of satisfaction. Although a warning
about graphic violence and gore is slapped on the case, you won’t
find any in the movie. This is much more action than horror, that itself
is not the problem. No depth, no staying power, no viewer involvement,
these are the problems. The action choreography is well done and at 76
minutes the pace is brisk. Some clever touches are present, such as explaining
the cameras at the outset, but none of it’s enough to keep interest
piqued. These are all hardened criminals, mass-murderers in some cases.
Who really cares if they end up as zombie-poop anyway? Sounds like they
deserve it! So that’s Doomed. A valiant effort; it tries hard but
is unable to achieve better than ‘average at best’ status.
Worth a rent. - Michael Mackie
|
| INALIENABLE
2008 - NR - 106 Minutes
D: Robert Dye
S: Richard Hatch - Walter Koenig - Courtney Peldon
DVD Provided by Anchor Bay Entertainment
Anamorphic Widescreen/Dolby Surround 2.0
Extras: Trailers
A who's who of television science fiction all play their part in Walter
Koenig's vision of personal alien invasion. A washed up but brilliant
scientist, who has never forgiven himself for accidentally killing his
wife and son, is accidentally impregnated by an alien creature that caught
a ride on a meteor. Soon he is being chased by his boss (Koenig) and the
FBI. His only hope is from love interest, Courtney Peldon. While on the
run, she helps deliver that creature, a flat faced, tentacled humanoid
that has a strong bond with Daddy. When things go public, the whole thing
turns into a court custody battle while the public goes nuts. Koenig's
story has some real nice ideas, but the dialogue is sometimes dreadful.
All attempts at humor fall extremely flat. The creature is interesting
and they try and make him somewhat endearing, but all comes about too
damn goofy. Peldon's role is a difficult part and she is excruciatingly
terrible. Call it miscasting, call it no talent, I don't know but it was
painful to watch. The DVD box will have you believe you are watching ALIEN
meets KRAMER VS KRAMER, but since the alien isn't a threat, etc. and the
dialogue doesn't even come close to the talents of Robert Benton (BONNIE
& CLYDE, KRAMER VS KRAMER), what you truly end up with is more like
a LIFETIME television movie meets MAC AND ME. Watch STARMAN instead. -
Mark Engle
|
| UNINVITED
1988 - NR - 88 Minutes
D: Greydon Clark
S: George Kennedy - Clu Gulager - Toni Hudson - Eric Larson
DVD Provided by Liberation Entertainment
FULLSCREEN/Dolby Digital Stereo
Extras: Double Feature with MUTANT
Planes, Trains, Automobiles and boats. The one thing I've learned from
watching George Kennedy onscreen is, if you are ever travelling and he
shows up, get as far away as possible. This guy has the worst transportation
luck ever. That being said, Clark's feline opus has us believing that
a virus carrying radiated cat that escapes from a lab can change into
a cracked out muppet creature that gives birth from its mouth and if you
piss it off, it will chew right through your shoe and into your ankle.
Through a chain of events, the creature gets aboard a local yacht taking
three very rich but wanted crimelord/businessmen, three beautiful ladies
and three "dudes" along for the ride on its way through the
Caribbean in order to escape the law and pick up millions of stolen dollars.
Soon the yacht breaks down, food and alcohol is rationed and THAT DARN
CAT starts picking off the guests one by one. There's some gore, some
bizarre puppet effects (the cat changes sizes, but hey it's radiated!)
and it is a serious hoot to watch Clu Gulager really ham it up, but I'm
sure he isn't too proud if not downright embarrassed. And if that acting
isn't bad enough, all the characters in the opening scenes are so horrid,
it will probably make most fans shut the thing off before any slumming
stars show up. Now I'm a huge fan of Greydon Clark's WITHOUT WARNING,
but this doesn't even come close. The only saving grace is that Liberation's
disc comes with the much better MUTANT as the second feature. For some,
UNINVITED may have a certain cheese level to make it entertaining, but
the long stretches between cat attacks makes NIGHT OF A THOUSAND CATS
and THE UNCANNY seem like CITIZEN KANE and ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S
NEST. - Mark Engle
|
| JUST
BURIED
2007 - NR - 93 Minutes
D: Chaz Thorne
S: Jay Baruchel - Rose Byrne - Graham Green
DVD Provided by Liberation Entertainment
Anamorphic Widescreen/Dolby Digital 2.0/5.1
Extras: Trailers/Photo Gallery
Dark twisted comedies are hard enough to come by, no
less recommend to the average movie watching Joe. It takes certain tastes
and every fan of black humor is slightly different. So, if you are a fan
of this sort of cinema genre, I'd say give JUST BURIED a shot. It doesn't
all work, but there's enough twisted fun and macabre gruesomeness to keep
a fan entertained. Jay Baruchel plays nerdy Oliver Whynacht, a young city
dweller who has just inherited a small town funeral home from his now
dead estranged father. With nothing better to do, he sort of takes over
and is soon over his head in bills, lack of business and bloody noses
every time he gets nervous. Oh, and did I mention he's squeamish around
dead bodies? Well, that soon becomes a problem of the past when he finds
comfort in the seeming odd, but adorably cute mortician Roberta Knickel,
played devilishly clever by Rose Byrne. One night while driving, they
accidentally hit an older gentleman who was out for his nightly walk.
They get the idea to make it look like an accident. The next day Oliver
gets his first paying funeral, but at least one townsfolk is the wiser
and yet another accident happens trying to cover up the first one. Soon,
Oliver and Roberta are killing for profit, but who will come out on top?
Is it Roberta's father, the town's sheriff? Or Oliver's dead father's
ex-wife? That isn't even the beginning of the twists and turns that fly
by in the last third as the movie builds to a very nutty finale. Graham
Greene seems to be having a lot of fun playing a sarcastic handyman who
obviously only plays dumb. There's some surprisingly realistic and gross
special effects. It isn't a gore film, but what is there is sometimes
pretty nasty. Overall, you probably won't die of laughter, but there is
a certain charm and few good chuckles in this NAPOLEAN DYNOMITE meets
FUNERAL HOME. - Mark Engle |
| SHOCK
FESTIVAL
2009 - NR -420+ Minutes
Edited by Stephen Romano
S: Too many to list
DVD Provided by Shock-O-Rama
FULLSCREEN & WIDESCREEN
Extras: Commentaries - Poster Gallery - Interviews - Poster - Music Tributes
Three discs containing over seven hours of trailers. Oh bliss! Well, sort
of. Thankfully, each disc is divided up in sections with options to watch
all the trailers in one category or to bring up a list and watch them
individually. The first section is primarily these fake trailers put together
by Romano for his actual fictional SHOCK FESTIVAL. The spirit is there,
but the payoffs don't ever come about. You know you are watching a SOV
made up trailer trying to look like it came from some 70's archive. The
trailers in KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE were more convincing as real product.
Another section is of real exploitation trailers that range from the sublime
to the "WHAT THE F*&^%?????" is that doing in here? Really?
CORNBREAD, EARL AND ME? Family G-rated movies about hermits who become
friends with the animals in the mountains? Weird, but hey at least they
were real movies. The best of all the sections is the Horror Movie Trailer
Marathon, starting out with THE STUFF, heading into MANIAC territory and
finishing up with gialli, argento, fulci trailers and more. All good stuff
except maybe John Landis' BANANA MONSTER, which belongs more in the exploitation
group than CORNBREAD, EARL AND ME!!! Rounding out the sections is a set
of TV Spots and a whole disc loaded with radio spots you can play on your
CD player or MP3. The radio spots and the Horror Movie Trailer marathon
make the whole set worth it all on their own, so if you are a fan of trailers,
then pick this trashy set up! - Mark Engle
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| MUTANT
aka NIGHT SHADOWS
1984 - R - 99 Minutes
D: John "Bud" Cardos replacing Mark Rosman
S: Wings Hauser - Lee Montgomery - Bo Hopkins - Joday Medford
DVD Provided by Liberation Entertainment
Fullscreen/Dolby Digital Stereo
Extras: Double Feature with THE UNINVITED
Two brothers take a break from the big city and head off into the open
road for peace of mind. Instead, they get run off the road, down an embankment
and into a river by a group of hicks in a pickup truck. Walking into town,
they run into more trouble when the younger brother (Montgomery) finds
a dead body in an alley. Things go from bad to worse as they enter the
local bar and have a run in with the same hicks that trashed their car.
Alcoholic tough guy sheriff Bo Hopkins doesn't buy their story until more
people turn up missing and/or dead. Soon, thanks to some dumped toxic
waste, zombies are running amuck and when Montgomery goes missing, it's
up to old bro Wings Hauser to save the day. This is one of those eighties
genre flicks that was pretty trashed on back in the day, even now, but
undeservedly so in my opinion. MUTANT has a lot of energy and an inspired
ending with lots of action, some gore (great bladder effects) and good
characters. Hauser fans should especially check it out to see him turn
in a good guy performance for a change. Atmosphere, a decent story, 80's
effects and all on a very low budget. Why the hate? Well, this new disc
does create some hate. The print looks great, the sound is more than adequate,
but why in the name of all that is horror, is it presented FULLSCREEN!?
For those fans that didn't pick up the ELITE disc (properly WIDESCREEN
and anamorphic), this may be the only way to get it soon. Either way,
I have no problem recommending MUTANT to fans of 70 and 80's horror (you
know who you are!). But the FULLSCREEN transfer is definitely a problem.
- Mark Engle
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| GUN-KYU:
WAR PIGEON
2008 - NR - 77 Minutes
D: by Yuichi Kanemaru
S: Goshu - Hiroyuki Ikeuchi - Saaya Ishikawa
DVD Provided by Switchblade Pictures
Anamorphic Widescreen/Stereo 2.0
Extras: Trailers
It may seem like Asian Horror Cinema has run out of stock when it comes
to ghostly images, especially when that latest titles resort to haunting
dead pigeons to tell its story. And in many cases, most of us genre fans
would agree, but GUN-KYU has just enough originality
and twists to keep it somewhat interesting. Something is killing off people
at that local college and marine bioligist Kanako is haunted by what seems
like demonic pigeons. Soon she connects the droppings (literally as her
car is constantly bombarded with birdshit) to the murders , World War
II, the janitor and a water well. There's some decent atmosphere, some
serious eye gore that goes on and on in disgusting close up and too many
scenes of cheap pigeon CGI. There's a nice, "What the...?" during
the finale and a Japanese World War II history that is fascinating. It
all makes for a decent enough sit through but not quite enough to warrant
multiple viewings, so unless you are seriously still into the overplayed
Asian ghost genre, this is definitely worth a rental but not too much
more. If you get a chance check it out. - Mark Engle
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| FINAL
EXAM
1981 – R – 88 Min.
D: Jimmy Huston
S: Cecile Bagdadi – Timothy L. Raynor – Joel Rice
BCI DVD
Anamorphic Widescreen / Dolby Digital Stereo
Extras: Commentary – Cast Interviews – Trailers
Final Exam is a lesser-known slasher that’s taken
heat over the years even though it has a lot going for it. The setting
is a secluded college as a semester comes to an end. There are very few
people left finishing up whatever needs finishing up when a maniacal madman
(Raynor) decides to drop in. Courtney (Bagdadi) remains unaware of what’s
happening on campus until it’s too late. She’ll have to fight
hard if she wants to escape the blade of the seemingly unstoppable psychopath
that only wants her dead. Among the most repeated complaints about Final
Exam is that the motivations of the killer are not explained. It seems
some people are missing the point. The movie sets up this very idea, mostly
through the semi-paranoid ranting of local bookworm Radish (Rice), and
the fear comes from that; how random it all seems to be, how it could
happen any place, in any town, maybe even your town. Another common gripe
is how long it takes before a victim is claimed (aside from the opening).
This is no body count movie. There’s story and characterization…
Is that really such a bad thing? Yes, the acting is a little sub-par,
but the entire cast operates on the same level and that helps. You don’t
have a singular performance that’s either so impressive or so horrible
that it unbalances the rest. When it comes time for the killer to let
somebody know he’s there, he does it with style. These are some
of the coolest reveals in stalk and slash history, always fun to watch.
Final Exam is an easy recommendation for die-hard ‘golden age’
slasher fans, no question. If that’s not you, a rental is definitely
the way to go. Better safe than sorry. The tagline says it all…
“Some may pass the test… God help the rest!” - Michael
Mackie |
| CLEARWATER
Directed by – Andy Koontz
2003 – 60 Minutes/Widescreen
Black and White
CLEARWATER has a powerful opening scene; a woman is kidnapped,
beaten, thrown in a trunk, beaten some more, tied up in some out-of-the-way
location and photographed with a camera as she struggles to maintain consciousness.
For her, the worst is still to come. It’s all presented in the manner
of dated newsreel/documentary footage, sometimes reminiscent of an old
silent movie with its flickering and fading lights. There is no dialogue,
save for the screaming of the victim, and the soundtrack is moody and
methodical. It’s a hell of a beginning and an impressively disquieting
way to start any film. This is the set up; a psychopath has taken the
aforementioned person (right off the streets) and has decided that her
life is not in his hands, but in the hands of another. Jonathan is a different
kind of target. The killer has chosen him, seemingly at random, to be
the one to save the woman… or not. This guy sends tapes, pictures,
hints to his location – essentially everything Jonathan will need
to save Mellisa’s (the victim) life, if he so chooses. The murderer
says he needs proof that people care and, if Jonathan cares, Mellisa won’t
die; he’ll be able to save her. This guy is a serial killer, he’s
done it before and nobody has cared enough so the others… There
isn’t a lot of dialogue and that’s okay, it isn’t that
kind of story. What it is, though, is an intensely emotional and challenging
piece of work. The way the whole thing is constructed, you can’t
help but ask yourself what would you do? Jonathan is a very human character
that’s drawn believably; you really feel for this guy, you can’t
help it. It’s paced well, the direction is patient and mature, and
I can’t help but think that if Koontz keeps following this track
he’ll surely become a filmmaking force to be reckoned with. Keep
your eyes on this guy. Full of striking images and powerfully resonant,
CLEARWATER is highly recommended. – Michael Mackie
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